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| Meat free Mondays |
| Papi Menon / Apr 25, 2010, 00:24 IST |
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Saving the planet in their own ways is everyone’s new hobby
I think they’ve declared the silly season officially open in San Francisco. Earlier this month, the insane posse of clowns masquerading as the city board of supervisors declared, in their infinite lack of wisdom, that henceforth in this great city, Mondays would be meat free. You’re free to gorge on leg of lamb, roast pork, and rare steak all week, as long as you nibble — daintily, if possible — on Brussels sprout and arugula on Mondays. The supervisor who proposed the new rule, herself a vegetarian, claimed that she’s not doing it merely to push her own dietary preferences down everyone else’s throats, but to save the planet. The newspapers did not say if she cackled hysterically after that statement, but I’m not taking bets against it.
Saving the planet seems to be everyone’s new hobby. I thought the planet was a pretty sturdy thing. It’s a giant ball of iron after all, and I used to think that if it had been spinning around the sun for millions of years, it could probably go on for another few million years without any help, thank you very much, right on past the time when humanity was just another smear in its crust. But it seems I was very much mistaken in this assumption. Apparently, the planet is so fragile that even the San Francisco board of supervisors feels the need to step in and do something about it — and that’s saying something right there. It’s not like they don’t have other issues to worry about — the city is floundering in a budget deficit crisis to the tune of half a billion dollars (yes, that would be billion with a b) — but such trivial issues which require actual boring work to be done pale in comparison with making empty statements about global crises. What’s saving a city when compared to saving a planet! Besides, no supervisor worth her organic sea salt would ever pass up an opportunity to put another glossy coat on the air of smug self-satisfaction that San Francisco wears around itself like an expensive fur coat.
I spoke to a few meat-loving citizens about the new rule. Some were resigned, but cautiously optimistic about the change. “Paul McCartney is endorsing it,” one told me, “so it can’t be all bad.” This was news to me, but I looked it up on the Internet, and it’s true. McCartney, probably still suffering from the knowledge that Lennon wrote all the good songs, has thrown his not inconsiderable weight behind this scheme. He calls it an animal rights issue, so at least he's not out to save the planet, merely the animals on it. I guess we’ve done such a stellar job with human rights, that we can now consider that problem to have been well and truly solved, and move on to other less pressing issues. Have to hand it to McCartney though. From Beatles to dung beetles in one lifetime — what a ride!
Some other meat lovers were a bit more militant. The Republicans, all three of them, are following their general philosophy of obstructionism and are talking of nominating “Fat Fridays” where people will be encouraged to eat only fat. Eating at McDonald’s will be considered an acceptable alternative.
Even I eventually broke down and tried on the new rule for size. This Monday, I purchased only vegetables from the supermarket. As I walked home, my grocery bag bulged with broccoli, spinach, and kale, but something did not feel right. I just didn’t feel like I was bringing home the bacon.
(Papi Menon is a writer and technologist based in San Francisco)
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