Of cliches and silly points

Cricket commentary sounds like brand promotion. And using stock phrases isn’t helping.

It has been said of Eric Clapton that what separated him from other guitarists was the spaces between the notes. Clearly, the Indian Premier League commentators are not Clapton fans. They do not believe in leaving those spaces; in fact, they do not care much for striking the right notes either. The result is that we have a continuous cacophony that has drowned out opinion. All that you hear is blatant brand promotion and the echo of the missing opinion.

Live commentary is the vital thread that makes the television viewer feel connected with live action. There is also the stadium noise of the crowds — voices and trumpets — the sound of the bat striking the ball and the chatter on the field, but the commentator is the one that communicates directly with the television viewer.

This thread of communication, though, is getting strained at IPL as commentators look to forge stronger bonds with sponsors. So a resounding hit over the boundary is “DLF Maximum”, with no regard to the fact that more than six runs can be scored off a ball if an overthrow is added to the mix. The fall of a wicket is a “Citi Moment of Success”, giving the impression that the successful player owes something to Citigroup, the global financial powerhouse.

A good catch, like it or not, is more than that — it is a “Karbon Kamaal Catch”, perhaps suggesting that the player could not have held the ball as well as he did but for the mobile handset brand.

The broadcasters are not content with the camera focusing on the big balloon suspended in the air with MRF written on it in big, bold letters. Every time it comes on screen, the commentators have to discuss the company, its contribution to cricket, and whatever else the research team has jotted down.

Even this excess could have been made more tolerable if it was interspersed with some insightful opinion, at least once in a while. But there it is more drivel masquerading as opinion. There is the familiar talk of the “right areas”, the ball flying like a “tracer bullet”, and “not enough dot balls”. Most pitches are “a good pitch for batting”. The standard advice to batsmen is, “If you are going to flash, flash hard.” With the fall of every wicket, you can expect to be told that the match “has turned on its head”. Regardless of the action on the field, you must know that “it’s all happening out here today”. Whatever Sachin Tendulkar does, even if he manages to connect with the ball with a faint edge, is “an act of genius”.

If only it were possible to get the stadium noise while keeping the commentary at mute, it would have been nice to do it and play Clapton on the side.

(suveen.sinha@bsmail.in)