Myths about lesbians busted

As far as urban legends go about lesbians, there are some myths that need to be put to rest.

The first myth is who is "the man" in the relationship.

Many straight folks find it hard to comprehend a relationship that doesn't have a masculine-feminine dynamic.

According to Stuff.co.nz, gender is not innate, it's fluid, and it shifts from relationship to relationship and even within the same relationship over time. When people (usually dudes) ask who the man is, they are either wondering who takes charge or, more often, they're wondering what you do under the covers.

Another thing that people tend to say is "it's just a phase/you haven't met Mr Right."

Most people will cop this from concerned relatives at some time in their coming out journey, even after they've done more serial monogamy than a repeatedly widowed gibbon and formally had their heterosexuality revoked.

It's actually one of the most devastating things to hear from a parent, sibling, or someone else you really care about, because it shows a fundamental disconnect with who you are and comes from a place that delegitimises same-sex relationships as inferior, a sort of hobby for girls who are too ugly/outspoken/fat/demanding for the male gaze.

If you are attracted to women, and frankly why wouldn't you be, there is no Mr Right.

The other myth is that if you are a lesbian you can't lose your virginity.

Another one for the phallocentrics - anything that doesn't involve a penis is apparently just not sex. If you're a 'gold star' this means, apparently, that your hymen is intact and your nether-regions as pristine as the patriarchy intended.

According to popular believe, if you are a lesbian, you must have been damaged as a child.

Fred Nile popularised this school of thought, conflating homosexuality with paedophilia and demonising gays and lesbians as people who are inherently damaged in some way because they are outside Biblical prescriptions of morality.

Central to this argument is the belief, firstly, that the chief business of the human race is to procreate (seven billion and counting!) and sex that isn't for such purposes is frankly, an aberration of nature itself.

There is also a believe that lesbian relationships don't last.

It's the orthodoxy outside the gay community too, but peddled by people who think allowing same-sex couples to wed will unravel the very fibre of marriage because everyone knows homos are polygamous and incapable of staying together long enough to have a joint bank account and matching leisure suits.

The most common portrayal of lesbian is that they all have short hair.

Another is that all lesbians are hirsute vegans.

The flipside of not being able to lose your virginity as a lesbian are doctors who tell you you don't need sexual health checks or pap smears on the basis that what you do isn't really sex. It's one of the most damaging myths out there, and one that health authorities are on a concerted drive to debunk.

There is no medical evidence to suggest that human papilloma virus - a precursor to cervical cancer - is less common in lesbians, and it can be passed between women via sexual contact in the same way as between men and women.

In fact, the most recent research suggests that same-sex attracted young women are at higher risk of contracting sexually transmitted infections than their straight counterparts.