Might never be same again, don't know what future holds for me: Vinesh

In an emotional post on social media, Vinesh shared her childhood dream, the hardships she faced after losing her father and also put on record the contribution made by people in her journey

Feisty wrestler Vinesh Phogat on Saturday said that under "different circumstances" she could see herself competing till 2032 because she still has a lot of wrestling left in her but is now unsure about her future as things "might never be same again".

Vinesh had announced her retirement from the sport after her disqualification from the women's 50kg final for being overweight by 100gms. She had challenged the decision in the Court of Arbitration for Sport (CAS) but her appeal was dismissed.

In an emotional post on social media, Vinesh shared her childhood dream, the hardships she faced after losing her father and also put on record the contribution made by people in her extraordinary journey that ended in heartbreak in Paris.

"....all I want to say is that we did not give up, our efforts did not stop, and we did not surrender but the clock stopped and the time was not fair. So was my fate," she wrote, referring to the work she did with her team before the second day weigh-in.

"To my team, my fellow Indians and my family, it feels like: the goal that we were working towards and what we had planned to achieve is unfinished, that something might always remain missing, and that things might never be the same again.

"Maybe under different circumstances, I could see myself playing till 2032, because the fight in me and wrestling in me will always be there. I can't predict what the future holds for me, and what awaits me in this journey next, but I am sure that I will continue to fight always for what I believe in and for the right thing," she wrote.

Heartbroken she may be after her disqualification, but Vinesh paid a glowing tribute to all the people who were part of her extraordinary journey, saying her unmatched fighting spirit had a lot to do with her mother.

She said her coach Woller Akos does not believe in the word 'impossible', and Dr. Dinshaw Pardiwala was an angel.

Dr Pardiwala, who headed the 13-member medical staff that IOA had arranged to help the Indian contingent in Paris, was recently subjected to unfair criticism for Vinesh ending up 100gms more than the 50kg limit.

IOA President PT Usha had come out in defence of Dr. Pardiwala.

"For me, and I think for many other Indian athletes, he is not just a doctor but an angel in disguise sent by god. When I had stopped believing in myself after facing injuries, it was his belief, work and faith in me that got me back on my feet again," Vinesh wrote.

"He has operated on me not once but thrice (both knees and one elbow) and has shown me how resilient the human body can be. His dedication, kindness and honesty towards his work and towards Indian sports is something no one will doubt including God. I'm forever grateful to him and his entire team for their work and dedication."

With Belgian coach Akos, Vinesh won two World Championship medals. He was instrumental in re-shaping her game.

"Anything I write about him will always be less. In the world of Women's Wrestling, I have found him to be the best coach, best guide and best human, able to handle any situation with his calmness, patience and confidence," Vinesh wrote.

"He does not have the word impossible in his dictionary and he is always ready with a plan whenever we face a tough situation on or off the mat. There were times when I doubted myself, and was shifting away from my internal focus and he would know exactly what to say and how to bring me back on my path."

Vinesh said Akos was never hungry to take credit for her success but she wants to give him the recognition he deserves.

Referring to a tough childhood, where she lost her father and mother battled cancer, Vinesh said the fight for survival taught her a lot.

She mentioned how she, as a kid, dreamt of having long hair and how keen she was to flaunt a mobile phone but the hardships did not allow her a smooth life, especially during childhood.

"....survival taught me a lot. Seeing my mother's hardships, never-give-up attitude and fighting spirit is what makes me the way I am. She taught me to fight for what is rightfully mine. When I think about courage I think about her and it is this courage that helps me fight every fight without thinking about the outcome.

"Despite a difficult road ahead we as a family never lost our faith in god and always trusted that he had planned the right things for us. Mother always said God will never let bad things happen to good people."

She also mentioned that her husband Somvir Rathi always protected her, come what may.

".....To say we were equal partners when we faced a challenge would be wrong, for he sacrificed at each step and took my hardships, shielding me always. He placed my journey above his and offered his companionship with utmost loyalty, dedication and honesty. If not for him, I cannot imagine being here, continuing my fight and taking each day head-on."

She also mentioned the crucial role played by trainer Wayne Patrick Lombard and physio Ashwini Jeevan Patil.