Internet revenge

Deepika Padukone took on a leading newspaper for sexist comments against her

So you've heard about the female bartender in New York who, upset by a sleazy pass made at her by a hedge fund CEO while she was serving him, hunted him down on the Net (she Googled his name from the bill he'd signed and got his personal details from other social networking sites) and went on to name and shame him publicly? 

Calling it 'An open thank you note to the stranger who put his hand on my a** and asked if he could take me "to go",' Laura Ramadei, the NYU alumni working to support her career as an actress, wrote: "Dear Brian, You came into the restaurant where I work and ordered a stoli on the rocks. When I asked you and your companion if you'd be eating, or needing anything else from me, you put your hand - ever so gently - ON MY A** and asked if you could take me 'to go'. When I immediately stepped away and said 'Sorry, what?' you probably gathered that I was and am not receptive of such advances from customers," said the spunky girl, while adding, "We were in a family-friendly restaurant, around 6:30 pm, and I was wearing a loose fitting, long sleeve shirt, jeans, and no makeup...so I'm not sure where the confusion arose as to what kind of service you were being provided."

She further wrote: "At a bar, it is impossible to ignore the fact that misogyny is alive and well. I can't tell you how many times people have treated me horribly and I've memorized or photographed the names from their credit cards, fantasizing about internet revenge." 

Internet revenge. Ramadei's smart move occurred in the same week as actress Deepika Padukone took on one of the country's most powerful media houses, The Times of India, for publishing a picture of her cleavage on its site.  

"I am a woman, I have breasts and a cleavage. Got a problem?" she tweeted back. 

In both cases, the women who struck out against sexist offenses by resorting to digital activism were met with widespread public support. 

Ramadei's open letter was shared over 2,000 times in the next few days and Padukone's outrage received not only widespread support from her own peers within the film industry but #IsupportDeepikaPadukone was also trending on twitter.

Of course, on the face of it, a famous and successful actress in India and her struggling counterpart waiting tables at a bar in NYC couldn't be more different. But the fact that they both chose the platform of social media to stand up for their dignity and rights makes for a very interesting counterpoint for media watchers. 

That they refused to stay silent and spoke up for themselves using the power of the Internet to name and shame the offenders; in the first case an individual and in the second, a powerful media house, might just set the precedent for a potent new weapon in the arsenal of women facing disrespect and humiliation. 

Interestingly, in both cases, the perpetrators of the sexism responded in staggeringly inappropriate ways. 

Whereas Brian H Lederman, the hedge fund CEO, indicted himself further by saying "I've grabbed plenty of girls" and spewed abuse and threats on Ramadei, swearing he'd see that she would never get a job again, and calling himself a connoisseur of 'arse grabs', TOI lamely tried to make amends by saying they were complimenting the actress with the post! 

Perhaps learning how to apologise gracefully when you've been called out on the Net for misogyny will be a mandatory subject in this new and ever-delightful digital age!

Malavika Sangghvi is a Mumbai-based writer malavikasmumbai@gmail.com