New brooms

Come, let us sweep the country clean of the dirt with our new brooms. That mess of old files, papers and memorabilia under your desk and over your cupboard. Separate the things you need to keep from the stuff that you need to discard. File the former, assign the rest to trash bags and put it away for disposal.

Not too tough, was it? It's the getting down to it and starting somewhere that's important.

And now, while your initial tentative swipe at cleaning out the Augean stables of your life has just been given a fillip, why don't you look a little further?

That pile of old newspapers, bottles, last birthday's cards and wrapping paper and spam mailers that have been lying in the corner of your kitchen?

Approach them tentatively, respectfully (it doesn't bite) and before anyone is aware of your intention, swoop up the whole thing (yes, even the card from your favourite niece and the wrapping paper that you think you will recycle), throw the whole lot out without a second glance or a twinge of guilt.

Every one knows you will not need any of that again.

There! Feeling good already? Feeling empowered? Feeling part of our great Prime Minister's nation-unifying campaign? Ok, so he didn't invite you along with Priyanka behen and Aamir Khan to launch it, but hey, you are doing your bit too, aren't you? Now, sweep out your entire kitchen, while you're at it.

Proceed to the bathroom. Those old corroded pipes in the bathroom and the rusty plumbing under the basin? Shine it all with a dab of Silvo and Brasso on a rag of cloth. Shine it and scrub it and polish it and overturn a bottle of disinfectant on the tiled floors and (wearing rubber gloves, of course) grab a brush or two and some Domex to flush out the impurities in the commode areas.

Then you can ensure a germ free and safe surface by lovingly dabbing the newly treated spheres with your version of a hand sanitiser (kills 99.99 per cent of germs; no one knows at which point the one per cent gets away).

Oh, but your bathroom and study and kitchen are only a very small part of your universe. What about your bedroom and the unseen mites and dust balls in your mattress? What about the air-conditioning duct and its intricate grill, a playground for all manner of grime? The windowsill where your promised pots of basil never bloomed and the aloe vera plant collected a colony of ants? What about your dressing table and the inevitable flecks of crud, smudge and stain that your vanity invites on your brushes and lotions and potions?

What about the attic, the utility cupboard, the children's room where no one has entered ever since they left for university?

Now that you are part of the Prime Minister's national campaign connected by broom to Baba Ramdev, Salman bhaiya and Shashi Tharoor, so to speak, shouldn't they be deserving of your attention too?

So clean, clean out cobwebs, destroy the detritus, sweep out the slime. Spend your whole day attacking all manner of trash and waste and harmful microbe and mire.

Remember to tweet about your new regime, and take a lot of selfies while doing this. Post them on your Facebook and Twitter pages with the comment "Inspired by PM's cleaning spree."

What's that you say? Where should you park all the dirt and dust and ooze and slime you have collected?

Why, into your neighbour's backyard, of course! What were you thinking?

Malavika Sangghvi is a Mumbai-based writer malavikasmumbai@gmail.com