Sepang attack

What a place to burn some rubber. And to launch them too

To what lengths would you go to impress a bunch of journalists? If you are a tyre company that answers by the name Michelin, then I would say all the way to the Formula One track at Sepang, Malaysia.

Consider this "" there I was, trying my best to get into a Porsche Carrera GT3 Cup racer. Like all Porsches, the Cup racer is low-slung. Read, very low-slung.

I planted my butt into the racing seat through a small cubby-hole, physically pushed my tummy in next, squeezed my neck in followed by the head, as an assistant lifted each of my legs and forced it through the roll-cage.

Mind you, my hands were still outside and the assistant chap was trying to slam the door on me somehow. Oh, and before that, he managed to slap a four-point seatbelt over me and as each buckle clicked on, I could feel some of my internal organs popping through the abdominal wall and into my mouth.

Now, I was ready for the ride of a lifetime in a full-bred racing car that accelerates to 100 kph in 4.5 seconds flat. The driver, a middle-aged French pro, shook my hand and uttered something that sounded like 'how is that pancreas doing between your teeth?'

Then what followed was so insane it cannot be printed in a family newspaper. I will give you the edited version. The Porsche fired to a thrum which could have liquids oozing out of your ears, and then accelerated so fast out of the pit lane that I was searching for my eyeballs by the first corner.

The only thing to hold on to was the driver's arms and legs but then, he was busy deciding how long I should live, right?

At turn three, a fast, sweeping right hander, the Porsche touched 180 kph-plus and then carried on to 200 kph before braking hard enough for me feel pukish inside my helmet. No, I didn't notice the speedo, I was just guessing.

All right, I was lying through my pancreas. A couple of terrifyingly sideways corners later, we approached the start-finish stretch (thankfully we were using only one half of the track) and there, my best friend from France did a neat 250 kph run. By now I was screaming for mercy and he pulled enough G-force stopping and turning into Turn One again so that I was sure my liver was now on the left side of my twisted anatomy.

Then the process continued for one more lap before I got out, all white-knuckled, drained of blood and with an expression that could only say, 'hey, I just swallowed back my own pancreas.' It was indeed an incredible experience. And yes, after this I took a sheet of paper and wrote a hundred times that Michelin makes the best tyre for sports cars and passed it on to the organisers, fearing more punishment.

Actually, it was a great deal more fun than it sounded. Two days at the Sepang Formula One Track in Malaysia, trying to understand how different these black and round things called tyres can get.

Let me assure you, there is a great deal more to tyres and I feel like an enlightened Buddha with a radial halo around my head. The occasion was the launch of Michelin's new Pilot and Energy tyres "" the former meant for sport sedans and coupes of this world, the latter for cars which you and I will not drive, unless blessed with rich uncles who write wrong wills.

The whole exercise was to make sure that their dealers and the media in the Asia Pacific region understand the virtues of these tyres over the tyres they replace, and the tyres that their competitors offer.

For this, they had none other than Messrs Porsche, BMW, Mercedes-Benz and a few tuners helping with the tools "" tidy C200 Kompressors, scalpel-like BMW 330is and the above-mentioned Porsche monstrosity, alongside a more basic GT3 road car.

I can tell you a lot about these tyres and it would read this way "" Michelin Pilot Sport tyres have a void ratio of 34 per cent compared to the 40 per cent of previous generation Pilot sports, they have a variable contact patch that ensures maximum grip and steering, a groove to rubber ratio of 40 per cent to improve grip "" especially in the wet.

They have hybrid and green compounds, a rigid, asymmetric, ribbed tread pattern and even better acoustic comfort. But you may not understand all that, since in all probability, you are reading this in the loo and won't have the benefit of a BMW 330i and a Formula One track to put theory into practice.

Unlike your loo, the BMW 330i has around 250 bhp to propel its rear wheels. While driving it on a road is easy and great fun, it gets very interesting when you slalom it through a series of pylons "" ah, now comes the trick "" not in a straight line, but in the middle of a corner.

If you can imagine the extreme dynamics that the Beemer encounters in such an exercise, you'll agree with me that the four contact patches of rubber go through hell too.

A bunch of lunatics including I tried our best to get the tail of the BMW to wash out as we accelerated hard through the cones "" sure, we had enough ambulances around and there was adequate run-off area in case it all got too out of shape.

We were suitably impressed by the grip offered by the tyres and the progressive way top tyre performance was achieved by the Pilot Sport tyres.

Not satisfied, Michelin then offered us an identical BMW (they seemed to have an abundance of them), this time equipped with tyres made by a competitor whose name starts with... I will leave it to you to make a guess.

This difference was very obvious, with the BMW snapping out of control a couple of times and requiring very courageous steering corrections and pot-loads of luck to bring it back in line. Flush to the next exercise.

This time, we had to test the wet weather handling of the Pilot Sport range. Now, one Mr Michael Schumacher and his Sunday racing buddies will tell you that Turns One and Two at Sepang were designed by someone who got incredibly drunk or who was equipped with a brain the size of a peanut.

Yup, it all makes for interesting viewing on television as 22 Formula One cars haul all their 800 bhp worth of stuff into these corners and wrestle for space. They dive into corners that dip, twist and do a belly dance before straightening out.

Now, I am not as talented at demented cornering as Schumacher is, and add to that, our French friends who invest 5 per cent of their turnover every year in R&D, had added water to the equation!

Let me tell you, I cooked it big time as I drove through the corners, now with a nice and wet line instead of the normal racing line, emerging all sideways and with tyres smouldering as they hit the dry patch.

The idea was to carry an entry speed of 70 kph, be smooth with the steering and see whether the tyres would hold on as we went through the corners.

In the next run, I fared better. Maybe it was the car, maybe it was the traction control system, and well, maybe it was those Michelin tyres... By now, I was confidently driving through the mess.

Then, you guessed it, we went through the same process in an identical BMW shod with 'X' brand of tyres, and I promptly cooked it once again. Of course, the tyres were to blame this time round, and not my driving style.

The day continued as we drove even more Beemers, this time round the track at full clip "" read, to one's own abilities "" and I was really enjoying the exercises by then.

The following day, we would put the new Michelin Energy XM 1 tyres through some very exciting timed exercises in bread-and-butter Protons and Toyotas and discover the benefits of lowered rolling resistance, extremely safe handling, low noise, high mileage and how environment friendly they are.

Now, if you want to read about these tyres and their obvious benefits over other less expensive rubber you can buy, then I suggest you pick up the June 2004 issue of The Business Standard Motoring Monthly.

To sum up, Michelin wants to be number one in the Asian region and they realise that it is a tough task getting ahead of other tyre makers who have been dominating this market for ages. And it needs exercises like this for them to convince journos like me, and they really put in a lot of effort and even passion into making the round and black things stick and help cars stay right side up.

And I learnt one more thing, by buying an Energy XM 1 tyre for your car, you will be doing something environmentally right "" somewhat similar to planting a tree (you see, fuel savings, longer life and so on).

By now, I am sure, you think I am brainwashed beyond doubt. Talking of body parts, I have to go back and look for my jaw. I am sure it is around somewhere in the foot-well of that Porsche.