A is for apology

How do I say I’m sorry? Let me count the ways... Clearly Sushma Swaraj didn’t think Manmohan Singh’s assurance to the Lok Sabha this Monday that the government “will take into consideration the guidelines given by the Supreme Court on the appointment of a new CVC” was enough by way of an apology.

By not owning up to his own responsibility in the matter, Singh was falling short of rule 5 of what constitutes an adequate apology on the website www.perfectapology.com (yes it exists!) which states “be as specific as you can about the mistake, and as clear as you can about your responsibility”.

So it came as no surprise to those who recognise Singh for the decent man that he is that when Swaraj called his bluff and urged him to own up responsibility, the prime minister promptly responded, saying that he had no hesitation in admitting it was an error of judgment and he took full responsibility for it.

(After that initial getting-it-off-his-chest, albeit with a bit of prompting, Singh appeared almost apology-happy and the next day in the Rajya Sabha went on to say “There has been an error on our part...I take full responsibility.”)

Since we now live in a world in which everyone — to paraphrase Andy Warhol — “has their 15 minutes of notoriety” and where the best and the brightest, the squeakiest- clean and the most highly- anointed seem to be tumbling down from their pedestals before you can say “sting operation” or “Wiki leak” or “political expose”, it’s time we took this business of apology — how to do it, when to do it and who does it best — more seriously.

From Tiger Woods’s PR-driven, Adam’s apple-bobbing, doleful, spin-doctor-managed “I was unfaithful. I had affairs. I cheated” press statement, to Mel Gibson’s shrugging, post anti-Semitic meltdown “I guess I might have been a bit overwrought, that’s what happens when there’s too much pressure” to Dior’s desperate attempt at damage control over Galliano’s recent gaffe “Dior affirms with the utmost conviction its policy of zero tolerance towards any anti-Semitic or racist words or behaviour”, to George Michael’s “I probably owe an apology to fans that have been supportive and have not wanted to believe any of this was true” on being apprehended by the New York Police Department for soliciting in a public loo, to the hilarious how not to apologise Clintonesque intelligence-defying half-truths that have littered the public sphere “I want to say one thing to the American people. I want you to listen to me. I’m going to say this again: I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky”, and “I didn’t inhale”, we’ve been witness to a revolving door of celebrities expressing remorse, seeking our forgiveness, acknowledging their trespasses and generally letting it all hang out in an “I’m sooo sorry, I goofed, I blew it guys” outpouring for purposes of reinstatement in our hearts and wallets.

So far, for Indians, sorry seems to be the hardest word and they have not shown a great penchant or talent for the art of the apology.

Recently, a passenger on Air India’s Delhi-Mumbai red-eye was marvelling about the carrier’s simple, unambiguous apology about the delayed flight. But then, the airline has had a lot of practice, hasn’t it?

Meanwhile, the jury’s out about Rajat Gupta and if and how and when he apologises.

Any suggestions?

Malavika Sangghvi is a Mumbai-based writer