Agony aunts and agonised uncles

Dear Maasi,
I went through a messy divorce recently. After the break-up, I had hoped to get at least something as alimony after a 15-year partnership. But all I got were paltry pickings. However, the good thing is that my ex is not having the best of times, while I have already started flirting with someone who exudes power and longevity. I know that we think quite differently, but what is ideology to stop a little romance? My problem is, this is becoming a triangular affair. Personally, I think the third party is a smarting opportunist who wants to make the most of the fact that the object of my affection needs help at times in the House. What should I do?

Sarat Power

Dear Sarat,
You are having a nice time, I can see. You have moved on since your divorce, I realise. But don't you think it is too early to be thinking of hitching yourself to someone, especially when that person takes your absence in the House to be the best thing that could happen to him? You may be polls apart from your divorced partner at the moment, but then, equally, it seems to me that you and your new love interest too are as unlike as north poll and south poll.

Dear Maasi,
I am a gardener in the most beautiful garden in India. Why, some even call it Paradise on earth. But of late I am having some problems. The garden got flooded and now they are questioning whether it was because I had left the hose tap on. In fact, I am feeling paranoid that I will be kicked out of the House now. Secondly, a whole lot of lotuses are budding in the grand lake in the garden. My folks don't like them too much. I tried to pull them all out, but the plants seem to have taken root. Please advise me since I fear I may lose my job over this.

Oh My Abdullah

Dear Oh My,
Your letter should have been addressed to the botany department of the College of Science and Commerce in your hometown. They would tell you that the lotus apparently blooms in murky waters, that its root need muck to hold on to. Well, then there's your answer. In all the time as gardener, did you not take care to clean the lake properly? Did you not use the pesticide called A370? If you had done your work well, you could have prevented the lotus from spreading like this. My advice for you is to quietly pack your bags and slink out of town. And if possible, get your father out of there as well.

Dear Maasi,
I have an election to fight in Jharkhand, but I have just Rs 1.1 crore. Honestly. I was ashamed to mention this paltry amount in my affidavit, but I had to. How can I even think I will win when there are so many of them out there who have used their powerful positions to amass so much moolah that coal scams would seem insignificant in comparison? How can I win against such odds?

Madhu Crora

Dear Madhu,
I advise you to look up the dictionary for the meaning of "irony". I am sure that will give you an insight into how best you may cope with your problem.

Free Run is a fortnightly look at alternate realities joel.rai@bsmail.in