Sleeping on the job

Of all the excuses one has heard over the years made by politicians to wriggle out of a tight spot - surely right up there with the "I didn't inhale" response that Bill Clinton had given for his teenage pot smoking story that refused to go away - is Nationalist Congress Party leader Praful Patel's blithe defence of the Congress vice-president's alleged misdemeanour: "Many people in Parliament close their eyes. It does not mean they are sleeping," he said.

How can one argue with that? How can one prove that a siesta was indeed taking place, behind Rahul Gandhi's dreamy closed eyelids in full view of TV cameras and the nation's leading citizens, while a national debate on price rise was under way?

We asked a Congress spokesperson to elaborate. "Our gentle leader had shut his eyes in deep thought," he said. "He was contemplating the impact of price rise on the nation's poor. His thoughts were of the Dalit household he'd visited during his campaign trail; he was wondering how it would manage. All this was going through our gentle leader's head when he briefly shut his eyes."

Er, he yawned just before he nodded off, we said. Surely a yawn is a precursor to sleep?

"Not scientifically proven. People yawn all the time," said the spokesperson. "They yawn as a response to other people yawning. The Congress Veepee had looked towards the Treasury benches and seen a leading member of the Bharatiya Janata Party yawning. His was a responsive yawn. In fact it was a deliberate yawn from the BJP member to put him in an embarrassing position. You could call it a conspiracy yawn," said the good man.

He also leaned dangerously over as if he was, well, hoping for a supportive pillow, or at least a friendly shoulder to snooze on…

"That is a completely false and malicious statement," said the Congress spokesperson. "Our great leader had bent over to his right to indicate to his millions of supporters that he was on to the ruling party's right wing stance. It was his way of subtly, but powerfully, showing how deeply he understood the new regime's policies and the damaging effect they would have on the nation's poor."

But we saw him sleep. He yawned. His head dropped to one side. And then he closed his eyes.

"How naïve you are," said the spokesperson. "Do you believe everything that you see on TV? We are going to ask for an inquiry into the footage. It could be doctored. Please allow the relevant authorities to proceed with a thorough investigation before jumping to conclusions."

Are you saying that the Congress Veepee did not yawn or sway or sleep, we said?

"We are not saying anything until an investigation is conducted into the affair. We ask you to be patient and reserve judgment until all facts come to light. We beseech you to allow for the truth to surface."

So you are saying that all of us were wrong and Rahul Gandhi didn't sleep during the recent parliamentary debate, we said in exasperation.

The Congress spokesperson was about to respond when he received a call on his cell phone. He spoke into it reverentially. "Yes, Madame, of course," he said before he turned to us. His face was wreathed in triumph.

"I have just got official communication that what the Congress VP was doing was something that is aligned to our policy. We don't define it as 'sleep'," said the Congress spokesperson. "We would like to call it a 'power nap'. Rahul Gandhi was having a power nap."

Malavika Sangghvi is a Mumbai-based writer malavikasmumbai@gmail.com