Fit & Proper: How to control your anger?

Jayesh Sinha, a 32-year-old executive with an advertising agency, finds it increasingly difficult to control his temper. The pressure of deadlines, a demanding boss and long work hours leave him little time for himself. His temper is turning violent, so much so that he recently smashed his mobile phone in rage. His friends have advised him to seek help.
Anger is an emotional response to perceived threat and often arises when a person's boundaries are violated. It is associated with physiological arousal like palpitations, tremors and shakiness, or through verbal aggression like raised voice and use of abusive language, or physical aggression like rough body language, slamming of doors, banging the head, breaking objects, hitting others or oneself. There is a difference between assertion and aggression. Assertion is to be able to defend one's boundaries and protect one's rights in a positive manner. Aggression involves an attack or violation of the boundaries of others.

Several factors lead to aggression:

Temperamental or personality traits Low frustration tolerance, impulsive traits and faulty coping styles predispose one towards aggression. High expectations from oneself or others can also lead to disappointment and anger build-up. Brooding, negative thoughts, anxiety, internalisation of blame, feelings of helplessness and hopelessness are also triggers.

Environment-related factors Stressful circumstances, injustice, unmet needs, time constraints, multi-tasking and not having your way can all trigger anger. Alcohol and substance abuse are also associated with disinhibition and lack of control over ones temper.

Faulty lifestyle Lack of prioritisation, poor time management, disturbed sleep, unhealthy and unbalanced diet, lack of exercise and time for oneself and for recreational activities are other factors.

Anger becomes a cause of significant concern when it becomes a predominant expression, goes out of control, starts interfering with one's biological rhythms like sleep and appetite and becomes detrimental to oneself and others. It disturbs one's overall quality of life, leading to significant physical and emotional distress and dysfunction. It can affect one's health and can lead to problems like hypertension, diabetes, psychosomatic ailments like certain skin disorders, immune disorders, gastro-intestinal disturbances, sleeping and eating disorders, and early ageing. It can adversely affect one's relationships and occupation. To manage anger, it is very important to understand the underlying factors and triggers and an individual's coping mechanisms.

QUICK TIPS

• Relax your body. Take deep breaths. Do not shout or abuse as it dilutes the issue that is causing concern and shifts the focus to mutual intimidations rather than a practical approach towards resolving conflict.
• Keep the brain filter mechanisms active. Think before you speak. Try to use logic as much as possible. In the heat of the moment, one is likely to say something that one may regret later.
• Buy time. Try to move away from the situation that is triggering anger. This may help you buy some time to think more practically and logically about the situation. Express yourself once you are calm.
• Distract yourself. When you feel a build-up of anger, try distraction techniques like counting backwards from 100, or trying serial subtractions from 100 like 100-7: 93, 86, 79, 72....
• Try to channelise your energy in a positive way by engaging in brisk walk or exercise.
• Adopt a solution-based approach, rather than brooding over problems and engaging in a blame game.
• Have realistic expectations from yourself and others. Not everyone can think and behave in the same manner. Try negotiating skills. Also listen patiently to the other person to understand his or her point of view. If you are not convinced, you still have the right to disagree in a graceful manner.
• Use humour to ease a situation. Avoid sarcasm.
• Take time out for relaxation and following your creative interests.
• Try to follow a balanced lifestyle. Healthy diet, healthy sleep-wake schedule, prioritisation of goals and work and some planning for the day help.
• Avoid drug and alcohol abuse.
• Mediation, yoga and introspection help.

Sameer Malhotra
Director, Mental Health and Behavioural Sciences, Max Super Speciality Hospital, Saket, Delhi