Was living in denial: Ready for '2nd innings', Panesar speaks about his battles with depression

Former England spinner Monty Panesar is back and raring to go after battling depression for a "long long time".

The 37-year-old has set a plethora of short and long term goals, which includes playing county cricket again, becoming the Mayor of London in a "few years" time and if that can't happen, he would like to follow Katrina Kaif's footsteps to make it in big in Bollywood.

Once a darling of English fans, Panesar had a dramatic fall from grace shortly after a memorable tour of India in 2012, when he and Graeme Swann teamed up to engineer a rare series win.

Before he could realise, it all started going downhill for the wily spinner who ended up playing his last international game in December 2013.

Looking back, one can safely that that the incident at a Brighton nightclub in the same year, when he "urinated" on the bouncers, contributed significantly to his rapid slide.

That was time when he started doubting his abilities, started drinking too much but since he was part of a "typical Punjabi household", owning up to his mental health struggles was tough.

"I lived in denial for the first longest time," Panesar, who played 50 Tests and made his debut in India in 2006, told PTI in an exclusive interview, on the sidelines of Ekamra Sports Literature Festival.

"I was in big denial because I feared people saying that "how can a cricketer like me be in depression, on top of that I was Punjabi, a Jatt. I thought everyone would be like 'c'mon nothing is wrong with you and you will be fine'.

"But later, I realised I was so wrong. I would have recovered much faster if I shared my mental health issues with my friends and family. They are ones who pick you up faster than anyone else."
"I don't even rule out a stint in Bollywood. If Katrina Kaif can learn Hindi, so can I. Punjabi movies have become really big so may be I can act there too. You just never know."
"That moment (Nagpur 2006) has to be right up there and then the 2012 series in India was also special."