In defence of the shy

Now that I think about it, I was a painfully shy child. I hated speaking in class because that drew attention to myself. For me, the sports field was, in fact, a minefield, because it meant I'd have to engage with others. And one of my biggest fears was when my parents entertained in the evenings and there was a chance I might be called outside to be presented to guests.

Being shy means you dread meeting people, talking to them, answering questions, being stared at. You avoid face-to-face meetings, preferring phone calls to them and, above all, email and text messages when even the voices at the other end sound intrusive.

Mostly, meeting people or being in proximity to them is such an unpleasant experience, you only feel at ease in your own company. Large groups, loud restaurants, aggressive people are threatening. Appearing on stage or speaking in public is a chore. And right on top of that list of hideous tortures is the TV interview. To be fixed to a chair, put on the defensive, made to account for oneself and one's life is a shy person's nightmare.

Mind you, being a shy person does not mean I am less intelligent than others. That I do not enjoy being stared at, speaking in public, attending large gatherings, interacting with strangers or engaging with the world does not mean I am any less competent or worthy. It just means that in social situations I might come across as meek, diffident, superficial or timid.

In some cultures this is an attractive trait, especially for women. But there are many cultures and countries in which a shy person loses out.

One of Rajiv Gandhi's most endearing traits was that he was essentially a shy man. Uncomfortable in public situations, it must have taken a huge toll on him to be thrust so irrevocably into the spotlight. But he lived and died in an era that was not as ill served by the ubiquity of electronic media as we live in today.

In today's age, television and social media expect us all to be nothing short of articulate; to communicate, explain, hold forth, pontificate, plead our case and expresses ourself in perfectly formed sound bites. Those for whom shyness is a lifelong challenge naturally fall outside the pale of social acceptance and adulation. Especially if they are in public life. Especially if they seek public office.

For a shy person, to answer questions on camera can be an excruciatingly painful experience. His heart pounds loudly against his chest; his palms get sweaty and anxiety clouds his being. The simplest questions can be daunting because just the act of quelling one's anxiety, keeping up with the task at hand and masking one's discomfiture is enough effort. Mind you, the same person in another situation might outperform the gregarious.

Shy people are known to be empathetic, sensitive, more given to altruism, more adept at behind-the-scenes solid work than the naturally confident and outgoing.

Because I am shy, I tend to choose solitary activities and situations that involve less interaction with people. But though I am as engaged and aware of things as the next person, made to speak in public, I could come across as a gibbering idiot. Or worse, imagine that I do.

Both Abraham Lincoln and Albert Einstein were known to suffer from crippling shyness. And yet, their social awkwardness did not come in the way of their leadership or genius.

But then, they did not have to go on national TV and face questions from Arnab Goswami!

Malavika Sangghvi is a Mumbai-based writer malavikasangghvi@hotmail.com