Pants on fire

Could there be any thing more wondrous than Thursday night's striking exchange between Subramanian Swamy and Arnab Goswami on Newshour? This pre-eminent of prime-time news shows has given rise to some epochal moments of TV watching and its large swathe of loyal fans have been rewarded with a raising of the ante almost daily.

But as these things go, Thursday evening's debate on the plight of the five hapless fishermen caught in the net of intricate India-Sri Lanka politics was perhaps the acme of alpha male arm wrestling.

According to one observer, during the proceedings, Swamy heaped so much abuse on Goswami that the immediate effect was seen on TRP ratings of not only Bigg Boss but also of Comedy Nights With Kapil as viewers tuned in to watch it on repeat.

Be that as it may, my column is not just about spirited verbal jousting in a TV studio, however exalted. Because while watching the proceedings between two of India's biggest blowhards, I found myself thinking: "This is such a man thing", followed by the thought "No, it's a skirmish between two feisty schoolboys."

Would the female counterparts of Goswami and Swamy (the mind boggles, could such creatures even exist? ) ever have treated viewers to such a display of verbal histrionics? Never ever ever. Arch sarcasm, a body blow of a curled upper lip, a lethal roll of the eyeballs, and a pointed dark stare would have sufficed. As the saying goes, "If women ruled the world there would be no wars, Just a bunch of angry countries not talking to each other."

But seriously, Thursday evening's exchange made me wonder what it is that goes on in the heads of alpha Indian males as they get apoplectic and trade insults on national TV.

I know both Goswami and Swamy to be men of immense personal charm, sophistication and civility. They have been trained at some of the world's best colleges, are wedded to their vocations and though their views and actions are often controversial, to my knowledge neither has ever been accused of personal aggrandisement or financial impropriety. Not only that, they are capable of personal acts of kindness and thoughtfulness. And they have friends and families who adore them.

Could it be that their love of a bloody good fight consumes them, gets the better of them once a TV camera appears in their vicinity?

Is this a syndrome that is particular to India and to certain prime time news shows? Is it catching?

Meanwhile the "Swamy versus Go-Swami" slugfest has given rise to a swathe of biting satire in the cyber world: "Sanjay Jha urges Subramanian Swamy to tutor him for Arnab's Newshour," said Faking News. "SS knocking out AG in his own show," said reddit.com. "Sanjay Jha, Gaurav Bhatia and others felicitate Subramanian Swamy for thrashing Arnab on Newshour," reported The Unreal Times, and news that a Bappi Lahiri version of Liar Liar, Pants on Fire! would soon be released did the rounds of text messaging.

Priceless!

Malavika Sangghvi is a Mumbai-based writer malavikasmumbai@gmail.com