Pearls before swine

They said the day a black man became president of the United States, pigs would fly. Well, lo and behold, Obama was sworn in and one hundred days later... swine flu!”

Phrases such as “pigs on the wing” are becoming stale now, but swine flu continues to change the way we live. Despite repeated assurances that pork consumption does not cause the illness, you’re subjected to paranoid glances every time you so much as mention salami or chorizo. Also, the virus has made masks alarmingly fashionable. And I’m not even talking about real masks (which, apparently, are now causing problems in schools because children and teachers can no longer hear each other). On Facebook, friends have been offering gifts to anyone who can photoshop a mask onto their Profile photographs; the request has turned into an Internet virus, mirroring its real-world counterpart.

It’s no secret that swine flu — and swine flu paranoia — have not been dealt with in the most efficient ways in this country. Another Facebook friend, Supriya, suggests that “maybe people are less afraid of the flu itself than what it might take to get tested if you did catch it. Three days of running around after a totally non-essential government-arbited injection wore me out... even the hardiest spirit would quail at the thought of those queues.”

On the one hand, there’s uncontrolled (even counter-productive) panic: a Rediff comment (http://tinyurl.com/q5of9e) narrates a charming parable about a man meeting Cholera on the road back in the middle ages. “How many did you kill?” the man asks. “Only 300,” Cholera replies, but then adds sadly, “three thousand more died because of fear.” But on the other hand there are flashes of unmerited optimism. “Don’t worry too much!” says a poster named “Chicken Flu” (http://tinyurl.com/rdm7pv), “This flu will automatically disappear in winter! It cannot survive for long! Nothing can wipe human race so easily!” One might gently retort that given the state of Delhi’s weather at the present time, half the capital’s population could vanish before winter arrives.

Vishal Bharadwaj’s much-awaited Kaminey is not being released in Mumbai’s halls because of the scare, and movie buffs (still recovering from the producer-multiplex standoff and from Kambakht Ishq) are distraught. “Why can’t we see the film sitting in theatres with face-masks on?” complains a commenter on the CineFundas website (http://tinyurl.com/pjg9pv). Don’t be surprised if you see masks being sold in black outside movie-halls soon.

Others consider the non-release to be good news because it will “decentralise Hindi movies from Mumbai and do a lot of good for Indian society”. How so? “Because Mumbai has become a true ‘Paap Nagari’ in collaboration with underground activities supported by selfish interest, so better to have films produced or had conception [sic] from other parts of India.”

Many of my favourite online discourses stem from religious angst, and so I was pleased to spot a comment titled “Does the handi get broken??” by a Ronald Fernandes (http://tinyurl.com/plqx2j). There are to be no movie releases this Friday, but what about the “Dahi handi” scheduled for the same day, he asks shrewdly. “There will be a significantly larger crowd of people participating in that... so will it be shifted to next week as well?” With immense sadness, he answers his own question: “Of course not! But if it was Christmas the government would have banned the Mass since it’s a minority community.” As long as we can fight about these things even in a crisis, we know the old human spirit is alive and kicking.

(jaiarjun@gmail.com)