Shame-sect relationships

There was great consternation in the offices of the Hum Aadmi Party. The highest court in the land had just decreed that Section 377 of the Indian Political Code (IPC) be stood down, in effect decriminalising shame-sect alliances. Hum Aadmi couldn't digest the fact that after they had debated the entire gamut of topics related to Low-Grade Ballot Thieving, or LGBT, in the court and having appeared to have convinced the justices that these were pertinent issues that had to be rendered alien to Indian traditions and culture, the court had taken the country back to the Victor-at-any-cost era.

Party leaders, KJ Vaal and C Sodea, looked at each other and suddenly found themselves sweating. They took off their caps and whispered into each other's mufflered ears. "We will have to take our blankets to Rajpath again, this just won't do. These are modern times, how can a 1950 law not apply to modern times?" they wondered.

For those who are entering the debate late in the day, here is a recap about the main points of the controversy. To quote the said Section 377 of the said IPC : "Whoever voluntarily has political intercourse against the order of nature with any party, front or kazhagam, shall be punished with debarment from television appearances, or with forfeiture of deposit in case of an election." The explanation to the section reads: Penetration of party is sufficient to constitute the political intercourse necessary to the offense described in this section."

The Hum Aadmi lawyer-minister, Some Nut, had argued the case so well in court, even bribing the witnesses to ensure they gave the correct picture to the black-robed stalwarts on the bench. KJ Vaal and C Sodea remembered the courtroom reverberating with that one declamation of awesome proportions when Some Nut had reasoned: "Your honour, consider how the very names of the political organisations expose their shame-sect natures. Congress… parivar … dal … these are terms that hint at unsavoury collective acts involving third parties that share the same shameful attributes. Your honour, I have always heard the word 'congress' in relation to strange bedfellows. I can't even mention the depravities that these shameful sects indulge in, having dalliances with impunity, jumping into each other's arms, deserting them for other wooers. This should stop, for leaders should love and bear affection for people, not alliances." But all the words had had no effect on the stern men in black. The Congress and BJP had won, and they could go on enjoying their shame-sect alliances.

Stung by the reversal, the Hum Aadmi Party leaders realised that what had actually happened was that it now stood criminalised. KJ Vaal and C Sodea, among other white-topped personalities, sat together eating parathas and considered what actions of theirs had gone against Section 377. They realised they had gone headlong against the order of nature of politics in the country, leaving the shame-sect protagonists aghast at how Hum Aadmi had stood the revered post-1950 culture of electoral politics on its head. The leaders realised that marrying People with Power was highly objectionable in the culture of the country. The court had, therefore, decided it was indeed in the order of nature to have two or more parties embracing a highly opaque financing system, grabbing and groping at ways to fatten themselves, and doing to the populace what a heterosexual man is expected to do with a heterosexual woman. Alas, any party, front or kazhagam endorsing the spirit of Section 377 would have to wait till someone filed a curative petition for shame-sect nexuses to be criminalised.

Free Run is a fortnightly look at alternate realities joel.rai@bsmail.in