Special purpose vehicles

 

Just as I was passing by Nitish Kumar's office in Patna, I saw some netas peer out from his door, right and left, to make sure no one saw them and then scurry away down the corridor. I think one of them had a green-and-saffron scarf bunched up and jammed into his pocket, perhaps to be used at another opportune time after 2014.

Just as I was walking away, I heard a big hearty laugh from inside the CM's chamber and heard Nitish call out, "Hello ji, Naveen Patnaik ji, how are you?" This sounded promising. Naveen Patnaik and Nitish Kumar confabulating should be interesting.

Nitish: So, yes, Naveenji, yes, I have made myself independent now, like you so wisely did four years ago. I want to modify the way we do politics here in Bihar… hah, hah.

Naveen: Nitishji, congratulations. It's a good thing you have done. I have been saying we should come together, all of us special states. Mamataji is also willing. The Under Pressure Administration doesn't do anything for us, so we should gang up.

Nitish: Under Pressure Administration?

Naveen: UPA, Nitishji.

Nitish: Hah, hah, Naveenji, you are funny. I like the way you think. But Naveenji, you know that we can't join Mamataji's front. She calls it a federal front, but CM Sahib, you know what she actually wants is a "feed-her-all" front. She wants everyone to feed her funds, from alliance partners and corporations to media and Central government. And if we don't feed her, she will stomp her legs, wag her fingers, shout and snarl and rant that we are out to assassinate her. Naveenji, let's keep Bengal out of our plans.

Naveen: Ok Nitishji, as you wish. What you say is true. But we have to press for special status.

Nitish: Yes, Naveenji, wohi toh. "Space all" toh zaroor hona chahiye. Arre Naveenji, it was on this issue that I broke up with BJP. It is an issue that is dear to my heart. Let me explain. You know, so long as Advaniji was there, there was space for all to reach the top. I mean, he is 85 years old. You know what I mean. So, there was space for me to become the PM. And what is bad about me? I am willing to wear prayer caps, I have won re-election, the British deputy high commissioner patted even my back for development work in Bihar just two months ago. So I am also good to be chief of election campaign committees, no? But now, where is the space? Gujarat is everything. It's a betrayal. "Space all" nai na hai.

Naveen: Uh, hmm… I was actually thinking along the lines of BSP, Behenji's Special Party. She is the example of special. Dekha na, sorry, I keep lapsing into Odiya. Dekhiye na, she is always important to the powers that be. They all worship the elephant - the Left, Right and Centre, communal and secular. When the need arises, it's to her they go, whatever their history. They never approach me. Sometimes, I feel so alone. I don't even have a family to comfort me.

Nitish: I have a plan, Naveen Sahib. Manmohan Singhji is saying nice things about me now. And he can give you your type of spesull status. Let us keep our options open. If things don't work out, there is always NDA in 2014.

Naveen: You want to return to NDA?

Nitish: Arre, CM Sahib. You misunderstand me. NDA means New Deals Afterwards.

Naveen: Hah, hah, Nitishji you are funny and clever. Ok, let's do that.

Free Run is a fortnightly look at alternate realities
joel.rai@bsmail.in