The 'joy' of gifting

The festival season is here. And we must give gifts to everyone. So, just visit an e-shopping website and buy them. It is much easier than stepping out of your house and going to a store.

Also, at this time of the year, discount deals are all over the Internet. That makes gift-giving such joy, especially for those of us who use these bargain deals to repay that special person who gave us a scrapbook for a festival gift. (Scrapbook is a book with empty pages where you can stick pictures, newspaper articles, et cetera.)

Over the year, you may have gathered chicken-tikka magnets, masala-dosa magnets, and kela-wala magnets, from e-shopping sites like Chumbak. Bundle these into a hamper basket and select especially those that prominently say "friends for life" and "a toast to friendship". Then gift the hamper basket to your friend. You could mention how carefully you put aside everything over the year, to make him feel grateful for the silly collection.

For the self-admiring types, find their worst possible photo on Facebook, and stick it in a "heart photo frame" - you can buy that from sites like Happily Unmarried. But don't just get the photo framed - have it enlarged, and then frame it.

When he or she opens it, say, "That's my favourite photo of you!"

Visit online discount sales and buy the most bizarre item, such as a lava lamp, so that it relates to the person you are giving it to. Then wrap it gloriously, with cheap cellophane paper.

Also, look out for China-made stuff online - teddy bears, dolphins and dance balls. Buy them super-cheap on sites like Toysbaba.com. And give these noisy, breakable gifts to children whose parents are not on your good list. Gift drums. That should drive the parents nuts, and force them to keep away the toys on a shelf.

Another gift for their children is silly putty (soft sticky substance). There is loads of it online, and the discounts are big. Children love to stick the icky stuff on soft furnishing.

For the boss you hate, buy a pen drive, shaped like a hand grenade. There are plenty on Amazon. The gift will go well with his personality, and yet be useful, besides being cheap.

But if you want to score points with your female boss, be subtle. Buy a pen-diary set in a crazy combo offer. More marks if the pen has a cute, fluffy toy at one end.

Also, an antique could get you promoted. Gift your boss a Rambo knife from the Vietnam war. This dirt-cheap junk can't even cut butter, says an Internet review.

Now, let's come back to the friend who gifted you the scrapbook set. To get even with him, order handicraft from Ebay, and re-do them. You could also get them custom-made by professionals. Sure, these guys are masters of their craft, but that doesn't mean they can't make tailored trash. However, this could get expensive. So, what you lack in money, and talent, make up for it in passion. Order the cheap handicraft, put tape on the stitching, marks on the paint, and tag on the top, saying "made with love for you".

Other skill-less choices include exercise DVDs on e-shopping websites. "My Ultimate Bollywood Dance Workout" is one such, but out of stock on Flipkart. I strongly recommend "The Ultimate Belly Dance Workout" DVD. I have been wriggling to its music for years.

Some of us worry about including a receipt with the bargain gift. We fear it will expose us as a cheapskate. But then, it's the feeling that counts, not the price. I plan to put receipts in all my gifts this year. It seems like the decent thing to do. If my friends and family find out I am a cheapskate, so be it.

ashish.sharma@bsmail.in