How retelling 'We-stories' can strengthen strained love lives

Reclaiming positive stories can help couples that have become distant, strained and stressed find ways to connect and strengthen their relationships, according to an expert.

Dr. Karen Skerrett, a staff clinician and faculty member at The Family Institute at Northwestern University, explores this concept in her co-authored book, Positive Couple Therapy: Using We-Stories to Enhance Resilience (Routledge, 2014).

Using the authors' combined years of psychological expertise, the book teaches couples and therapists unique methods for uncovering positive potential within a relationship, and focuses on "We-stories": shared stories between the members of a couple that define and guide their relationship. The book defines and illustrates in concrete ways what is meant by the "we" - an element increasingly found in research to be a key dimension for couple resilience.

"We-stories serve four vital positive functions for couples," Dr. Skerrett said.

"They help shape the couple's mutual identity; provide meaning and purpose in the couple's life; serve as guides for current interaction and future growth; and are positive repositories of the couple's wisdom and a means of transmitting their legacy to others in their lives," she said.

The book demonstrate these "we-stories," and how they help couples connect.

Couples that are able to find their stories, share them with each other, and then carry them forward to family, friends and a larger community are more likely to preserve a sense of mutuality that will thrive over a lifetime of partnership.

"The book arose from a joint passion to rebalance the negative emphasis in the field of couple treatment," she added.

It is filled with vivid couple stories, and case examples of couples from a diverse perspective such as LGBT and military couples. It contains exercises for partners and couples, and illustrates opportunities and challenges for couple growth at various stages across the life cycle.