Gifting away 'got' presents

We have a cupboard — actually a number of cabinets — that are reserved for what my wife euphemistically calls “giving away” presents. In theory, we are supposed to also have space for “got” presents, but in reality all “got” presents become “giving away” presents because most of them are not “keeping” presents. There was a time when the “got” presents equalled the “giving away” presents, but the gap has widened over the years, especially with the children having a critical opinion about most things to do with their parents, which include their mother’s housekeeping skills. 

“You can’t give that,” they mock most attempts to pass of “got” presents on to the next person in the food chain for which such objects are presumably intended. Who, in their right minds, would find use for stucco candle stands, photo frames made from bone paste, or objects of such vile uselessness that they are completely pointless? Who buys such things? Does somebody at some point in the chain actually use them? Whatever the point of such gifting, it became clear some years ago that my wife could no longer repack tea services, recycle wine glasses, or pass on fake crystal bowls, unusable tray sets or not-to-size readymades that can’t be exchanged because somebody picked them up in Mumbai, Bengaluru or on trips to the hinterlands, these to be passed off as anniversary presents, housewarming gifts or just-like-thats, and not just because our kids objected to their mother’s parsimoniousness, but also because who gives such things any more?

Actually, a lot of people do, as the growing inventory that’s fast depleting all storage space in our home is proving. While we continue to be at the receiving end of useless jewellery boxes and pouches, cheap crockery in flashy boxes that are disintegrating from being cellotaped too often, preserves and wines past their expiry date, the inability to pass “got” presents along has resulted in a glut of ugly silver and faux-silverware objects, fake branded bags and makeup picked up from overseas thrift stores, cheap, synthetic linen and useless kitchen gadgets. Why was it that food processors were all the vogue a decade ago, while cutlery is what people assume you want now? Who is to judge that the presents one so thoughtfully spends time choosing aren’t somebody else’s idea of junk?

What, therefore, do you give someone who’s getting married, or on birthdays and anniversaries? Increasingly, people dislike clutter — which is a reason why our home is beginning to resemble a landfill of “got” but not given away presents. After all, you can’t just throw them out, and the working staff at home is every bit as picky about hand-me-downs. Which is why they continue to pile up in tacky tinsel wrapping in our home even as we rack our brains about what will be appreciated without being considered cheap. 

It used to be said that you could never go wrong with a book. But people no longer read, or they have Kindle, or strong views about the felling of rainforests. Money is considered crass even as the giver thinks she’s being generous while the receiver wonders at her thriftiness. If none of this makes sense, it’s because nobody considers a present — any present — good enough. Given that thought, why not continue the legacy of passing on what you so ungraciously receive — in which case we have several years’ worth of “gots” to fritter away. Just don’t look a gift horse — us — in the mouth.