Kishore Singh: A matter of opinion

OMG," said my wife, "life has become a Bollywood film where the unreal is reel" - I know she said "reel" because she spelled it for my benefit so I would get the joke - "with JNU full of character actors playing students who are actually seditionists in the guise of terrorists though some of them are students and some seditionists and others terrorists and we don't know they are actually actors." Now try saying that aloud without pausing for breath and you'll know why I admire my wife so much.

"Please don't say OMG, it's passe," my daughter corrected her mother, "and don't forget the actors in the courts that no one gave a briefing to so those we thought were lawyers because of their black coats turned out to be goons who beat up the journalists JLT in front of people dressed in uniform who we thought were policemen but they turned out to be peaceniks though because of the confusion no one thought to actually call the police or file a case with the lawyers because no one knew the reel from the real." "That's good," I said to her, "I can see you're taking your pranayama seriously."

"Mama," said my son, who is a real and not a reel lawyer, "I don't think I'll go to court today." "You're right," said my wife, "you should not go to court but to a television studio where all our lawyer friends are going to give their opinions that no one is listening to because you don't go there to debate but to shout so you might as well hire actors instead of lawyers since no one and nothing makes sense any more." "Thank you Mama," said my son, "I don't want to go to court because some lawyers beat up other lawyers there, and since I'm not the beating-up kind I may end up as the beaten-up kind."

I had been listening to all of them without venturing an opinion but felt the need to voice my point of view too. "The issue is not about violence but how intolerant we have become as a society," I said, "which does not imply we were tolerant before social media turned everyone into trolls that has fed our inner beast which thrives on our secret fears of alienation turning us into cyber bullies and marking us no different from our ancestors who rejoiced in blood sports as a pagan activity and celebrated cowardliness in the guise of mobs." "Here," said my wife, "drink a glass of water before you choke on your words and die."

Our neighbour, who joins us in the morning for yoga, said, "I must express the majority opinion even though I take the view of the minority about the majority having a minority bias that is built on majoritarianism about a minority cult that hopes to convert the majority even though the majority view among the minority about the minority status among the majority remains unclear." "Quite," everyone nodded in agreement, even though it was clear that no one had the faintest inkling what she was going on about.

Fortunately, at this point the yoga instructor addressed our joint assembly: "Now turn to your left side, bend at the waist, close your right nostril, shut your eyes, cleanse your mind of all thoughts, take a very deep breath and try and speak a longer sentence that makes sense even though the lack of oxygen is making your brains mushy."