Of political cycles and four-wheel drive

'Cyclists are especially insulting to the "Billionaire Raj" (citing The Economist) over which Mr Modi presides', says the author

Some may have suspected Rahul Gandhi of trying to bulldoze Parliament House with a tractor. Then a mob of cyclists recalled a British journalist’s crack in 1971, that instead of sending its army into East Pakistan, India should have dispatched a fleet of Calcutta mini-buses to mow down everything and everybody. Narendra Modi must have chuckled at the antics of an Opposition that doesn’t know that Parliament is to be ignored, not stormed.

Cyclists are especially insulting to the “Billionaire Raj” (citing The Economist) over which Mr Modi presides. Not to be outdone by the 40 new billionaires who emerged during the pandemic, 122 legislators, present and former, are charged with money laundering. However, the Congress must be forgiven. With an income that is only a fifth of the Bharatiya Janata Party’s (which has jumped 50 per cent), Mr Gandhi’s party is the poor relation of politics. 

But what would those august parliamentary marshals whom the veteran Sharad Pawar accuses of manhandling, not womenhandling, female MPs say to the bicycle invasion? As Rajindar Sachar, a former Delhi High Court Chief Justice dubbed “Cycling Judge Sah’b”, knew, even High Court durwans look down their noses at cyclists. Sachar may have been “full of wise saws and modern instances” like Shakespeare’s justice but they expect a judge sah’b, destined for the Rajya Sabha if he is careful enough, to be “in fair round belly with good capon lined, with eyes severe and beard of formal cut”. Not a simple humanist pedalling a two-wheeler like any one of the 60 per cent of Indians whom 15 Opposition parties claim to represent.

Transport ranks with flamboyant turbans and waistcoats. Indira Gandhi’s “An officer who cannot control a horse cannot control a crowd” was probably inspired by her father’s easy seat in the saddle. She herself made history by trotting up to Parliament in a horse-drawn buggy but didn’t repeat the jaunt after people complained that a security car following in low gear more than made up for the petrol her buggy saved. It was back then to that tried old warhorse, the Ambassador.

As High Commissioner in London, Shanti Swaroop Dhawan even wanted to import one for diplomatic use until he was persuaded that Brits would think he was going around in a 1950s Morris Oxford. Someone like Rajiv Gandhi wouldn’t have minded. He didn’t need to impress fellow-villagers. Although a Mercedes Benz 500 SEL, a Range Rover Vogue, Jonga and a modified Jeep CJ7 SWB, all of which he personally owned, nestled in Rajiv’s garages, his public appearances were in the ubiquitous and iconic white Ambassador.

Times have changed. The Billionaire Raj lives up to Lee Kuan Yew’s comment that “the poorer the country, the bigger the Cadillacs they hire for their leaders”. His stricture was inspired by Sheikh Mujibur Rahman who “arrived in style … in his own aircraft” for a Commonwealth summit in Ottawa, keeping the Boeing 707 at Ottawa airport “idle for eight days, getting obsolescent without earning anything ...” but being loaded with packages (shopping?) from two huge vans. A Tata Safari and a Toyota Cruiser sufficed for a mere chief minister of Gujarat but the prime minister deserves a bigger armoured Range Rover HSE.
 

The story goes that when several world leaders were once discussing travel during an idle moment at the United Nations, France’s president said he drove a Citroen at home, a Renault in Paris and a Peugeot abroad. His German colleague’s preferences were a Volkswagen, Audi and Mercedes. Russia’s president thought a bit, then declared that he drove a Lada at home but remembering Prague and Budapest, boasted, “I go abroad only in a tank!”

The Indian nudged his Chinese colleague to go one better and say he preferred driving tanks through Tiananmen Square. Failing, he threatened to slap a sedition suit on a Chinese who carped that India is bound for the moon in a bullock cart. The bullock cart is for Indians (especially those who vote for the 15 opposition parties) he snapped, not India; and it isn’t bound for anywhere.   

Nirmala Sitharaman’s announcement that India is spending $1.18 billion on two Boeing 777-300ER aircraft showed there is no question of India’s leaders taking Lee’s advice “to impress the world that they are poor and in dire need of assistance”. Clearly, Lee hadn’t heard of the Billionaire Raj’s electoral bonds. The media’s claim that the two Boeings boast exactly the same facilities as America’s Air Force One recall an old Bengali tale about a fisherman with a dinghy who bought a bottle of desi, invited the village belle and boasted he was the equal of Aristotle Onassis with his yacht, (Christina O), champagne and Jackie Kennedy. 

Bangladesh’s GDP growth rate might be higher but parity with the US makes India Asia’s only superpower.