Kishore Singh: When 'polite' is quite the opposite

Reminders are rarely really polite. They are pointed, sharp, waspish, angry or intimidating. Sometimes they are pleading or sycophantic. Mostly, they are officious, banal or formal. Yet, typically this is how a text will read: “This is a polite reminder soliciting your presence at the charity fundraising dinner tomorrow night.” It’s like a viral infection, with everyone passing the exaggerated politeness along. It’s being used, but also misused, by professionals, peers, colleagues and my wife, manipulated by socialites and frequently posted by service providers. A store opening in the evening, here’s a — nudge-nudge —“polite reminder”. Book launch? Music performance? Theatre evening? You can be sure the organisers, promoters, sponsors and participants will each send out a reminder that is inevitably “polite”. By the time you actually arrive at the venue, you will have been killed by kindness. Party at home? Of course, you must send out a respectful reminder if you want people to come home for biryani and beer. But why should it be “polite”? Why can’t it be abrupt” Or to the point?

 
I am sent polite reminders about looming deadlines, upcoming payments, and to remember to return home at night. Haberdasheries send them, as do gyms, caterers, airlines and automobile service stations. Banks now prompt you — more pointedly than politely, but that’s a moot point — about imminent EMIs; some international airports castigate you for having stayed away too long; even travel review sites write “politely” to nag you for having failed to post a fresh hotel review in “one year, four months and twenty-eight days”. Event planners text polite invitations, but also wedding hosts, buddies and your own mum. We may be less polite in real life, but you could be forgiven for thinking — on the evidence of these gracious aide-mémoires — that we are more civil than have been given credit for.

 
The bizarre extent to which this has been taken was brought home the other day when a neighbour recounted how an HR manager had sent an email to an executive who had been fired to “politely” remind him that it was his last day at work, and that he needn’t bother coming back the following day. Executive assistants routinely send out mannered missives about meetings and minutes, but it can be tricky when it is about a cutback in salaries (“Polite reminder to the accounts department: Please do not credit salaries in full from this month.”) The chartered accountant’s polite message about penalty clauses for undeclared income is not so much courteous as caustic.

 

Family WhatsApp groups can be unfailingly polite on the surface, but scratch below and you’ll find that everyone’s smarting over presumed insults, a failure to acknowledge a nephew’s brilliant exam result, an uncle’s award for karaoke singing, or a cousin’s engagement. My wife sends me a daily, impolite roster about birthdays, anniversaries and parties that I fail to remember, or an invitation that has not yet been “politely acknowledged”.
 
In this week alone, I have been politely reminded that the rent agreement has not been renewed, the medical insurance is due, my request for leave of absence from work has not been sanctioned (just in case I was planning on being AWOL). I have been politely requested to present myself for a conference call in the meeting room, be punctual for a panel discussion, and not forget that a summit with the management board is due next week. Will the proceedings be as polite as the message? Don’t count on it, as Cyrus Mistry might advise you.