Rainbow parents: How Humsafar Trust handles issues around LGBTQ community

A support group has been started by LGBTQ parents in Mumbai, to come out in support of each other and to make their children live a life guilt-free

How do you talk to your child at home? Do you provide him an environment where he can be open to speak to you about anything? From his needs and desires, to his sexual preferences — often, a child restricts his/her choices, and bases them upon what has been ingrained in him since early years, or what he sees in the society as “normal”. 

For parents of LGBTQ, it is at first, hard to accept. There are times when parents and family members turn hostile towards the child. Not knowing how it affects the child mentally or emotionally, often, parents resort to violence or are just unable to come to terms with it. Misunderstood for who they are, the child is sidelined or worse about his or her sexual preferences. It is to bridge the gap between parents and child, and to sensitise the parents about their child’s sexual choice, that a support group called “Sweekar” was started by a group of parents in Mumbai in 2017, under the aegis of Humsafar, which works for the LGBTQ communities.

As an organisation, Humsafar has been at the forefront of handling issues around LGBTQ community since its inception in 1994. The Humsafar Trust (HST) was founded in April 1994 by reputed journalist Ashok Row Kavi, to reach out to LGBTQ communities in Mumbai Metro and surrounding areas. The Trust began its activities by inviting gay men and lesbian women to attend its workshops on Fridays at its drop in centre. Now, HST organises advocacy workshops on LGBTQ issues. It has nurtured support groups “Yaariyan” for young LGBTQ, “Umang” for LBT persons and “Sanjeevani” for persons living with HIV. HST also provides legal support, crisis management, mental health and nutrition counselling to its communities.

“There are three ways in which we work for the LGBTQ parents,” says Koninika Roy, advocacy manager, Humsafar. “First is the “acceptance meet” in which the parents are brought together and explained the circumstance. For a parent, it is not very natural to accept this initially, and hence, these meet function as a place where they are sensitised about their child and his preferences,” Roy adds. How the sensitisation works? It is not just a “you talk, we listen” kind of approach but through events such as plays, dance and music, making the parents more comfortable about talking more and understanding.

“The second way is through creating manuals for counsellors by talking to parents. We get counselling cases, then we reach out to parents. There are several cases of discrimination or violence at times. That is where the need for manuals comes in, because even the counsellors, in most cases, are unaware of how they should advise the parents,” says Roy. The third way of connecting with parents — Sweekar — has been the most recent one. Roy notes what is heartening in this case is that the group has been started by the parents themselves and for the parents. “They call themselves rainbow parents, hold regular meetings, have created their own social media group where they interact and come up with solutions,” she says. 

Compare this to a few years back, Roy finds it comforting that parents are now slowly and steadily opening up about their children. Presumably this is the fall-out of the apex court’s verdict to decriminalise Article 377. “The stigma and humiliation is no longer there,” feels Roy adding, “though more work needs to be done, we are glad parents are doing something on their own.”

The LGBTQ community is often misunderstood in many spheres of their life. While sometime people don’t understand, “sometimes the parents just don’t want the child to have a difficult life”, Roy says. That is where support groups like Humsafar come in and lend them a hand to hold. “We see how we can work in collaboration, and where can we build capacity of existing resources,” she adds. The group is scheduled to hold their annual play titled “Ek Madhav Bhag” in Delhi this month. The play is based on the true story of a boy and how he opens up about his sexuality to his mother, a single parent.