C S Krishna: Interstellar minister

Recently, Home Minister Rajnath Singh caused something of a furore when he said that the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, one of the foundational concepts in modern theoretical physics, was based on the Vedas. This was not a one-off: Mr Singh, a former lecturer in physics, made headlines when as Uttar Pradesh chief minister he introduced Vedic mathematics in the state's schools.

Here, a well-known political satirist imagines what would happen if the home minister chose to go to the movies, and watched the current science-fiction hit, Christopher Nolan's Interstellar:

Like any other regular moviegoer, Rajnath Singh settled down with a bag of popcorn to catch the Friday matinee show of Christopher Nolan's quite incomprehensible but nevertheless highly acclaimed sci-fi thriller, Interstellar.

He had been warned that he might have to take in a second or a third viewing, interspersed with a quick review of "How to at least pretend that you have understood Einstein's Theory of Relativity" if he wanted to hold forth glibly later about the movie during Lutyens' Delhi get-togethers - but the home minister pooh-poohed those suggestions. He would have preferred the dubbed Hindi version, or even better the Sanskrit version of the movie, but that was OK. Sometimes, even he preferred the original English scientific term to its shuddha Hindi counterpart.

And unlike others, he had a strong grounding in ancient Indian scriptures combined with elements of formal Western education. That made him a formidable physicist. During the interval, Mr Singh chided fellow moviegoers for finding the relativity of time a difficult concept to grasp. "Come on. We know an hour on Brahma lok is equivalent to 27 caturyugas on Earth. You really should have read your Bhagvat Purana before coming to the movie," he scoffed as various neighbours resumed their seats.

By now, the plot was getting whackier. The fifth-dimension beings, accessing time-space points from the past … .

"Even I'm getting lost here," Mr Singh's friend and colleague, a theoretical physicist from the Indian Institute of Science, whispered.

"You wouldn't be saying that if you had read your Rig," retorted Mr Singh.

"What?" his colleague stammered.

"Don't you see? The whole movie is a mishmash of passages, concepts from various ancient Indian scriptures. And key portions of the latter half of the movie have been lifted from the second mandala, fifth sukta of the Rig."

Mr Singh recited the relevant passage, with strict adherence to inflections and pronunciation, to drive home his point (translated version):

"Salutations to Indra, our protector and benefactor.

Why is time relative?

It seems to dilate when I am distressed but compresses to a fleck in times of great joy when I am in the throes of Soma, the most exhilarating of beverages.

O Rishis, what is the secret of time? O denizens of the fifth dimension, elucidate these concepts, for my edification"

The theoretical physicist was stunned. "You mean it's all there in our scriptures?" he stuttered.

"Yes, of course. Nuclear physics, drone technology, in vivo fertilisation, genetic cloning, weapons of mass destruction, all of them have been adumbrated at length in our ancient scriptures. What's your area of research?"

"String theory," the scientist answered.

"Then if I were you, I would wipe the slate clean and start with a literature search - of the second mandala, third sukta of the Rig along with the Chandogya Upanishad," said Mr Singh, gently.

The scientist was now close to tears. "If only we had had this conversation 10 years earlier … ," he whispered.

"Remember, it's all Maya, and the earth is but a tiny seed in a watermelon, which is being eaten by a giant monkey according to the Brihadaranyaka Upanishad," added Mr Singh.

"Oh my God! That's what String Theory also says! In a slightly different way!"

"There you go. Glad I was able to guide you in your research," said the home minister, as Interstellar proceeded to its stunning climax.

C S Krishna is the co-author of the 2014 political satire Unreal Elections