Subir Roy: What's a crore or two these days?

My god, interjected the wife as she glanced through the morning papers in search of trivia and titbit to go with a lazy cup of winter morning tea, somebody’s stolen 2.6 crore rupees from the BJP’s office in Delhi. That was certainly more arresting than the accidents and celebrity gossip which was standard morning fare.

Not in the habit of going through more than a couple of paras in any story, she turned to me for further information: Will they call the police? Unlikely, I replied, considering the money must be unaccounted for. She nodded and said knowledgeably, they don’t have a Form 16. Suppressing the first signs of irritation, I explained as gently as I could, no, nobody deducts tax at source for money that ends up in cash in party coffers.

Not having done well in trying to show off her knowledge of IT matters, she took another angle, wondering how so much of cash could fit into a safe in a back room. It was my turn to sound knowledgeable. Trying to remember what I had seen during my banking days, I said fitting even ten or 20 crore in a strong room, never very large, was no big deal. And adding a scribe’s topping to the knowledge gleaned earlier, I recalled that Harshad Mehta had shown how you could fit a crore into a suitcase.

Not wanting to let go in the fight to appear knowledgeable, she quizzed me further: Do you mean, with inflation a crore then and 2.6 crore now are the same thing? Unable to hide my irritation entirely, I retorted that she was quite confused between value and cash, and added that her knowledge of economics was abysmal.

Hardly the sort to let that go, she retorted that neither was mine, considering the way I mismanaged the family finances. With great self-control and refusing to lose my temper, I replied as evenly as I could that home finance was microeconomics, in which I was maybe poor, but inflation was macroeconomics, in which I was stronger.

Don’t try to impress me with jargon, she said and turned to what was much more interesting. I wonder who took it, she thought aloud and added, I am sure they will question the servants. By then I was approaching the end of my tether or patience and responded with as much sarcasm as I could muster, you are such a reactionary, why do you immediately assume that a theft must be the handiwork of the working class people around; the BJP seniors have started doing that but they too are thoroughly reactionary.

She had heard the word reactionary from me before and never quite got the hang of what I meant by it, knowing only that it was an insult that I flung at those whom I could not abuse straightforwardly. So assuming that an insult had been hurled and wanting to stand up and fight, she replied that if with inflation money was losing value then of course the servant types could pinch a crore or two.

That put me on the defensive and I quickly thought up a flanking action in the nature of a counter accusation. You mean the way you pinch my pocket, I said with ill-concealed sarcasm. That really hit home and she shot back with fervour: Pinch your pocket? Who will think of doing that to someone as broke and retired as you are!

Now that was surely below the belt. Yes, I was retired and yes I had little in my pocket these days but there was hardly any need to rub it in. Unable to think up an immediate retort I changed the subject a little and said the papers feel it is an inside job. It could be an attempt by one petty office bearer trying to fix a rival who had been egging the staff on in their demand for higher pay.

So do you think he will share some of that 2.6 crore with the staff, she asked straight away. Having regained my composure, I replied with the evenhandedness of a judicial pronouncement, don’t jump to conclusions, nothing is proven yet, and there may be an attempt to say that it was all a clerical error, nothing got stolen, someone added wrong.

Yes, adding is a bit difficult, she said sympathetically and went off on a new direction once again. If 2.6 crore can be fitted into a suitcase or two then is that all the money the BJP has? That pleased me no end. Yes, I replied with relish, the BJP has been reduced to keeping small change in its office. The voters of Delhi knew they were not able to handle even small change and so gave them such a drubbing at the elections!