How savouring shared experiences can help couples stay strong together

Couples who pause to savour shared positive moments report greater closeness, fewer conflicts and stronger confidence in their future together, a new study finds

Small, intentional moments of appreciation may play a powerful role in strengthening romantic relationships, according to a new study.

 

According to the study, titled Joint Savoring in Romantic Relationships: Correlates and Protective Effects, published in the journal Contemporary Family Therapy, couples who deliberately focus on shared positive experiences report higher relationship satisfaction, less communication conflict and stronger confidence in their future together, and may be better protected against the effects of stress.

 

Researchers from the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign found that couples who regularly focus on and appreciate their shared positive experiences report greater relationship satisfaction, less communication conflict, and stronger confidence that their relationship will last. The researchers further highlighted that this shared habit appears to buffer the impact of stress on relationship confidence and mental health.

What is ‘joint savouring’ in romantic relationships?

Savouring, in psychological terms, means consciously attending to and appreciating positive experiences. Traditionally, researchers have studied savouring as an individual process, for example, recalling a happy memory or enjoying a pleasant moment.

 

But this study looked at joint savouring.

 

Joint savouring happens when romantic partners intentionally reflect on, enjoy, or anticipate positive experiences together that are internal to the relationship itself. That could mean reminiscing about how you first met, reliving a holiday, enjoying dinner without distraction, or talking excitedly about a future plan.

 

It is not just telling your partner about a good day at work. It is about focusing on the relationship’s own positive moments.

What did the study find about shared positive experiences?

The researchers surveyed 589 adults across the United States, representing 589 different couple relationships, of whom more than 85 per cent of participants were married. The average age was around 39, and most reported relatively high levels of savouring and generally low stress levels.

 

The researchers controlled for personality traits like optimism and for general savouring ability. That means the effects seen were specifically linked to shared savouring, not just being a naturally positive person.

 

The researchers found that joint savouring strongly improves relationship satisfaction. After accounting for stress, optimism and demographics, higher levels of joint savouring were linked to:

• Greater relationship satisfaction
• Lower communication conflict
• Higher confidence in the relationship’s future

In other words, couples who intentionally pause to appreciate shared positive moments feel closer and argue less.

 

The study suggests that joint savouring functions as a relationship maintenance strategy, something couples can actively do to strengthen their bond.

Can joint savouring protect relationships during stressful times?

According to the study, the researchers examined whether joint savouring could buffer the harmful effects of stress. They found that:

 

When stress levels were high, people who engaged in low joint savouring reported reduced confidence in their relationship.

 

But among those with high joint savouring, stress no longer significantly predicted lower relationship confidence.

 

Joint savouring also partially reduced the impact of stress on psychological distress, though its strongest protective effect was on relationship confidence. 

Does joint savouring improve mental health too?

The study showed that joint savouring was linked to higher overall quality of life, but it was not significantly associated with lower psychological distress or better perceived physical health once stress and other factors were accounted for.

 

This suggests that the biggest benefits of joint savouring lie in the relational domain rather than purely individual mental health outcomes.

 

According to the study, joint savouring includes:

• It focuses on shared relationship experiences, not external events.
• It can involve the past, present or future.
• It is a mutual, interactive process, not just one person talking.
• It is less about “Guess what happened to me!” and more about “Let’s relive that beautiful moment we had.”

What does this mean for couples in real life?

The researchers suggest that even setting aside time once a week to intentionally reflect on positive shared experiences could be beneficial.

 

That might look like:

• Revisiting an old memory
• Celebrating a small win together
• Planning something you both look forward to
• Simply sitting without distractions and recalling what you appreciate about the relationship

 

In the rush of daily life, relationships often become about managing responsibilities, solving problems and moving from one task to the next. This research suggests that strength may also lie in something far simpler: pausing together to notice what is already working. Taking a few deliberate moments to revisit a shared memory, celebrate a small joy or look forward to something as a team can deepen connection and reinforce confidence in the relationship.