How narcissistic admiration and rivalry shape relationship satisfaction

A six-year study tracking over 5,000 couples challenges the myth that narcissists inevitably damage relationships, revealing a more complex and nuanced emotional reality

Narcissism is often seen as a red flag in romantic relationships. Something that may start with charm can cause stress over time.

 

However, recent findings indicate that this view might be too simplistic, since narcissism has been shown to have varied effects on relationships, and these vary from what has been perceived before.

 

According to a study titled From Spark to Strain? Changes in Relationship Satisfaction as a Function of Narcissistic Admiration and Rivalry, published in the Journal of Personality, which tracked 5,869 couples for up to six years, different types of narcissistic traits affect relationships in different ways, and not all of them are bad.

 

Participants were assessed on: 

• Narcissistic admiration, where a partner seeks praise, charm, and validation
• Narcissistic rivalry, when a partner engages in putting others down to feel superior 

“Narcissists have two different ways to maintain their inflated positive self-perceptions… They can puff themselves up… or put other people down,” Gwendolyn Seidman, lead author of the study and associate professor in Michigan State University’s psychology department, said in a statement. 

Does narcissism always damage relationships over time? 

According to the study, narcissism does not always damage relationships. It found that relationship satisfaction does decline over time, but this decline was not steeper in couples where one partner was highly narcissistic. The study found: 

• Narcissism does not uniformly accelerate relationship decline 
• Relationship dynamics are more complex and varied 

Which type of narcissism harms relationships more over time? 

The study authors highlighted that while narcissistic rivalry is clearly harmful, narcissistic admiration is not as damaging as expected. The authors stress that it is not confidence or charm that harms relationships, but antagonism and superiority.

 

Narcissistic rivalry: clearly harmful

• Consistently linked to lower relationship satisfaction
• Affects both partners
• Associated with hostility, conflict, and lower empathy

 

Narcissistic admiration: not as damaging as expected

 

• No significant impact on relationship satisfaction
• Challenges earlier research that suggested it might be beneficial

 

The study also found that in relationships less than a year old, narcissistic traits had no effect at all on satisfaction. This, according to the study, suggests: 

• Early relationships may mask problematic traits
• The so-called “honeymoon phase” may last longer than expected
• Negative traits take time to surface 

Why do narcissistic relationships feel difficult over time?

 

The study suggests that narcissism, especially rivalry, may not immediately reduce satisfaction but could: 

• Gradually erode self-esteem 
• Undermine a partner’s sense of agency 
• Create subtle emotional strain over time 

The authors highlighted that the damage may not show up as “I’m unhappy in this relationship” but as “I don’t feel like myself anymore”.  

Can narcissism ever be beneficial in relationships?

The study says that narcissism is not always bad in relationships. According to the authors, traits linked to admiration (confidence, charm) may help in attraction, but rivalry (competitiveness, hostility) tends to harm long-term bonding.

 

This study shows that not all narcissists are relationship destroyers. However, early warning signs may be harder to detect, and the most damaging traits are subtle and relational, not always obvious. The study stresses that relationship struggles linked to narcissism may unfold in non-linear, unpredictable ways.