Not your usual group interview

For the eight-hour non-stop GD sessions conducted at my workplace for students who had cleared the CAT (Common Admission Test), I pored over newspapers and magazines. Every major argument was noted down. Even students who have crossed the 99 percentile in CAT, making them eligible for top IIM calls, can be remarkably ignorant of current affairs and must be fed bite-sized information snippets.

You'd think preparation would ready one to take on any interview format. Sadly not. A major management institute in Mumbai, which prides itself on trodding the lonesome path, selects candidates after a group interview. Yes, you read that right. Eight to 10 candidates are made to face a three-member panel, which publicly grills them on the most personal details of their CVs. Questions from one candidate, say, with a finance background, are tossed randomly to another, say, from arts. It's enough to make the most battle-hardened veteran weep.
 

Today's classroom session is targeted at students who have received a call from the said institute. Most of them are working professionals, with two to three years' experience in primarily IT-related jobs. One or two, alumni of a well-known chemical engineering college in Mumbai, work in petrochemicals. A few are freshers who have made it to the interview round thanks to their extracurricular achievements (read: sports).

I am shadowing the boss who has asked me to observe the process, so that I may conduct such sessions in future. "The group interview", the boss warns me, "is in a different league altogether, so observe."

Once the participants are seated, the boss and I take our seats at the head of the circle. The CVs are before us. The boss picks up the sheaf and shuffles through the pages. "Lokesh," he says, "tell me something about yourself." I figure out who Lokesh is only when he begins answering: "Sir, I am Lokesh Arora. I am an engineer from VJTI and have been working in Infosys for three years. I am versatile, dynamic and a good team player..."

The boss cuts him midway and addresses Sarita: "Sarita, do you find Lokesh's profile interesting?" Sarita is stumped, but quickly recollects her composure and says: "Yes Sir."

"Really?" the boss interjects. "What's so different about his profile? Ninety per cent of you are engineers working in IT. Why should I choose him?"

Sarita chooses to keep quiet and merely nods. The boss directs his attention to Sandeep: "Sandeep, it says here that you follow basketball."

Sandeep: Yes Sir.

Boss: Which team did Michael Jordan play for?

Sandeep: Red Bulls.

Boss: Red Bulls? That's a f**** drink.

Sandeep: Oh sorry Sir, Chicago Bulls.

Boss: What was the name of the sporting company he launched after retirement?

Sandeep: Jordan.

Boss: Air Jordan. Get your facts right.

The colour vanishes from Sandeep's face. The boss moves on: "Prerna, give me three reasons we should select you."

Prerna begins: "Sir, I have had a stellar academic record. I stood first in my school in both 10th and 12th, and stood second in college in chemical engineering..."

Boss: You think you are the only one?

Prerna (genuinely at sea): Sorry Sir?

Boss: How many of you were among the top five in your college when you passed out?

Several hands go up.

Boss: See? Prerna smiles meekly.

On and on it goes. The torture continues for 45 minutes when the boss decides mercy will earn him some brownie points with the higher being. Collective sigh of relief.

At least this wasn't the real thing. Students are overall grateful to be sent through hoops of fire because it tells them what and how to prepare. The admission process to the institute in question is not merely difficult. It is positively sadistic. Last year, they hired a retired colonel to join the panel. As one account goes, he asked a girl the same question - "Tell me something about yourself" - five times before rejecting her.

After the pain, the learning. The boss lists out the do's: "Think about three incidents you are most proud of. Then write down why you are proud of them. That will tell you your strengths, the real ones, not one-word cliches like versatility and diversity. Quantify your achievements. Don't just tell me you play lawn tennis. Say you have beaten eight teams at the state level over a three-year period."

He continues: "Don't join the panellist in humour. If he laughs, merely smile. Don't make fun of your school, college or workplace. Think about one incident you learnt something from, something important, not (he addresses a student who had given this answer) random stuff about operating the coffee machine in office when the canteen boy was absent. Stop worrying about academic questions, but be thorough, down to the last word of everything you have written on the CV."

The class is dismissed. Students, suitably chastised, pick themselves up with visible effort and make to the door. As for me, I feel I have been through hell and back. Heaven help me if I have to subject them to this on my own. I think I will just call in sick.

The author has switched too many jobs in the past and hopes he can hold down this one