Infidelity is no longer limited to secret affairs or physical relationships outside marriage or committed romantic partnerships. Today, betrayal often takes shape through emotional dependence, secret messaging, and online intimacy, raising new questions about trust, mental health and boundaries in modern relationships. While most people discuss cheating as a moral issue in the age of constant digital connection, doctors increasingly view it as a mental health concern with serious psychological and health consequences for those involved and affected.
“Infidelity used to sound straightforward. Someone cheated. Someone found out. Someone was hurt. But today, betrayal often takes place through a phone screen, a deleted chat, an emotional intimacy that never turns physical, or a relationship that looks “fine” from the outside,” says Anwesha Bhattacharya, a Guwahati-based counselling psychologist who runs the telehealth therapy platform Psyche Bubbles.
So what really counts as cheating now? And why does it leave so many people questioning their sanity, self-worth, and even physical health?
How infidelity is defined in the digital age
Is it sex? Is it texting? Is it sharing secrets you no longer share at home or with your partner? “There is no single, universal definition of infidelity,” says Bhattacharya. “Culture, gender, personality, upbringing, and individual boundaries all shape how people define betrayal.”
Earlier research focused narrowly on sexual intercourse outside a primary relationship without consent. Over time, emotional infidelity, including deep emotional bonding, secrecy, and emotional dependence outside the relationship, entered the picture, making things far messier.
“In practice, people often find it easier to define sexual infidelity than emotional infidelity,” Bhattacharya explains. “Couples may even disagree among themselves about what constitutes cheating, and that disagreement itself becomes a source of conflict.”
Clinicians, she says, focus less on rigid definitions and more on the impact of infidelity.
What one partner sees as harmless texting, the other may experience as emotional abandonment. “Sometimes people may see online interactions as ‘not real’, but for the betrayed partner, the pain is very real,” Bhattacharya notes.
Dating apps and social media complicate things further through what psychologist John Suler called the online disinhibition effect, when anonymity and distance lower inhibitions and make risky behaviour feel safer.
“Hiding, secrecy, or dismissing a partner’s discomfort, whether online or offline, is particularly worrying,” Bhattacharya says. “It can make the betrayed partner feel dehumanised.”
Is emotional cheating more damaging than physical infidelity?
This question sparks endless debate (remember the viral episode of a talk show hosted by two Bollywood actresses?). The therapy rooms, however, tell a more nuanced story, stresses Bhattacharya.
“Both emotional and physical infidelity are choices, and both can make the betrayed partner feel inadequate,” says Bhattacharya.
Emotional infidelity can feel more devastating for some because it involves repeated choices, such as sharing vulnerability and seeking validation outside the relationship. In reality, emotional and physical infidelity often overlap.
“Research should not be used to invalidate the betrayed partner’s pain,” she cautions. “What hurts them is what matters.”
Studies show betrayal can trigger depression, anxiety, and PTSD-like symptoms in cases of both emotional and physical cheating.
What betrayal does to the brain and body
According to Bhattacharya, betrayal doesn’t stay in the head and travels fast to the nervous system.
“Betrayed partners can feel traumatised. Their sense of reality may be shaken, especially if manipulation and repeated lies are involved,” Bhattacharya explains.
Research links infidelity to sleep disturbances, chronic stress, depression, anxiety, substance misuse, and even self-harm tendencies. Some experience what clinicians informally call post-infidelity stress disorder, marked by hypervigilance, intrusive thoughts, nightmares, and emotional numbness.
Women, in particular, may stay trapped due to social pressure, financial dependence, or fear of stigma. “Staying despite betrayal can increase the risk of depression, chronic stress-related illness, even heart disease,” she notes.
Why people cheat even in seemingly happy relationships
Cheating is often less about the relationship and more about the individual, explains Bhattacharya.
“Some people cheat out of boredom, low self-esteem, thrill-seeking, poor impulse control, or emotional insecurity,” Bhattacharya says.
Workplace proximity, perceived intellectual connection, and easy digital access all play a role.
Digital infidelity, including sexting, cybersex, and even AI-mediated sexual interactions, has further blurred boundaries. “The wayward partner may not see these interactions as ‘real’, but the impact on the betrayed partner absolutely is,” she adds.
Is infidelity a mental health issue or a moral failing?
“There can be overlap with impulse-control issues, attachment disorders, depression, or sex addiction,” Bhattacharya says. “But correlation is not causation.”
Mental health explanations help understanding, but they should not erase accountability, she warns. “When explanations are used to avoid responsibility or dismiss the betrayed partner’s pain, they become excuses.”
Health consequences beyond emotional pain
STIs, unintended pregnancies, chronic stress-related illness, and delayed healthcare are all real risks, but often underreported due to shame.
“Betrayed partners may prioritise survival and prioritise work, children, and family over their own health,” Bhattacharya explains. Stigma keeps many from seeking timely care.
Is reconciliation after infidelity possible?
Sometimes it’s love, sometimes it’s fear, says Bhattacharya. Financial dependence, children, cultural pressure, and more often the sunk-cost fallacy keep couples together. “Reconciliation is not about going back to how things were,” Bhattacharya says. “It’s about building something different, with accountability.”
Therapy can help couples redefine boundaries and expectations, but only if both partners are genuinely committed.
How to decide whether to stay or leave
According to Bhattacharya, there is no universally ‘right’ choice, only the least harmful one. “Genuine remorse, accountability, transparency, and willingness to engage in
therapy matter,” she says. Red flags include minimising the betrayal, blaming the partner, or refusing help.
Healing, she reminds us, is not linear. Anger and grief resurface. Some people choose to leave later, and that decision is valid too.
“Most of the time, both betrayed and unfaithful partners struggle to seek help,” Bhattacharya says. Victim-blaming, secrecy, and moral policing keep pain hidden.
A healthier conversation, she argues, centres on mental health, accountability, and consent, without rushing forgiveness or
demanding silence.
“The betrayed partner gets to decide the timeline. The unfaithful partner must learn to sit with discomfort, guilt, and responsibility.”
For more health updates, follow #HealthWithBS This content is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice.
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