It was a mock serious comment but in the way we communicate these days the flip humour masked the very real anxiety behind it.
A male office colleague had said, “Manhood is under threat from all directions — in a few years men will be extinct!” He was referring to what he regarded as the latest “assault” on his gender: another scientific breakthrough in female reproduction that further established male redundancy.
But, of course, that was only the tip of the iceberg against which his good ship was tilting and his was one of the most genteel expressions of male anxiety. Because, with every instance of rape or sexual assault, every breakdown in man-woman relationship, every attempt at moral policing of women by regressive political groups, every fatwa issued by patriarchal religious demagogues against women, every tremulous query sent to agony aunt columns in newspapers — it is clear that never has there been as much confusion and heartache over the man-woman equation. Manhood is, and has been under assault from many directions for a while now.
The increasing emergence of women as independent entities who can earn their own living and create lives for themselves independent of men, predicated on breakthroughs in science that gave women the right to their own reproductive processes, was the first trigger.
Many soon followed: brave new ideas in fashion, relationships and lifestyle; women were expressing their exasperation with set traditional roles by supporting themselves, walking out of unsatisfactory relationships, marrying each other, opting to live alone, opting not to have children, adopting, choosing IVF and surrogacy, voicing their dissatisfaction over being objectified, taken for granted, etc.
The traditional dyed in the tweed notion of “a woman needs a man for status, economic support, children, respectability, protection, sex, romance, fulfilment” had all been challenged and laid bare.
Is there any surprise that each day’s news brings in a haul of rage, frustration, confusion and anger from men?
It’s like the rug’s been pulled from right under their executive chairs in their corner office suites.
And now comes the latest ingredient in this devilish witches’ brew: 60-year-old Bollywood actor Zeenat Aman, one of the most iconic sex symbols of our time, the woman who swayed her way into the Indian male heart and crooned his manhood to tumescence, is threatening to tie the knot with a man 30 years her junior!
And with that move the dating options for women have just been further expanded!
Think of what this will do to my former office colleague and his fears: not only are women shrugging off notions of age, but they are also turning on its head every (male) established concept of who to love and why.
A few weeks ago one of the country’s most respected industrialists, someone who hitherto deserved his mantle as a new age man, said something to me that shocked.
On advising a 50-year-old single aunt about her dating options, he says he told her “look men your age are looking for 20-year-old women; the 60-somethings want no one older than 40. Your best bet is to find someone in his 70s!”
How limiting and damning was that fixed notion of a women’s choices only occurred to me when I thought about Zeenat’s brave new move.
She may marry the guy or she may not, it might work or it might not. Others may follow suit or they might not. That’s not the point.
The first step’s being taken. Expect further male angst.
Malavika Sangghvi is a Mumbai-based writer malavikasangghvi@hotmail.com
Disclaimer: These are personal views of the writer. They do not necessarily reflect the opinion of www.business-standard.com or the Business Standard newspaper
