When we were kids, love was a secret emotion not to be mentioned in front of everyone especially family elders. Even love for your parents and siblings was not so expressive. You loved your parents but you would not tell them. Forget about mentioning boyfriends and girlfriends, even as generic terms. If someone had a boyfriend (I studied in an only-girls school), you spoke about it only in hushed tones. And, not to mention, the general view was that the “affair” was some sought of a blasphemy and the person for sure has got distracted and would no more focus on studies. The larger social thinking remains the same more so in small town India but things have certainly changed in big cities. Now, kids tell their parents how much they love them and parents ask those in the teens “do you really love (care for) me?”
By the time we were in college, we knew what Valentine’s Day was all about but we still did not talk about it to parents but now kids ask their mothers, “did you get a gift from papa?” Besides the marketing involved with the Day and the bombardment of social media, the society itself has changed. Media or no media, it would have changed. One, for most people I know of my generation have chosen their life partners themselves, and many of them have broken caste, religious and regional barriers that are usually the deciding factor in arranged marriages. That has got nothing to do with the celebration of Valentine’s Day but it comes from the openness of society. Schools, colleges, professional institutions and importantly offices are great levelers when it comes to conventional rigidities. With this openness has come the social acceptance of certain social “taboos”. So, when one friend discussed the issue of her daughter having a crush in school, all I had to say “it‘s okay as long as she is safe”.
While there may be a certain degree of harmlessness about these relationships and hence easier for them to figure in family discussions, issues like rape and sexual assault are now openly talked about. I remember when Hindi movie Ghar was released how no one at home would talk about rape that the protagonist suffers but just say that it is a good movie. Now, without thinking twice I asked my young daughter to read my last blog on rape.
Discussion is no more a taboo. It’s not just crush and affairs, but also the concept of having a partner, like French president Hollande who visited India with his girlfriend, that has more acceptability now than it did even five years back. Though there may be issues with adultery and marriage abuse but society tends to accept that more easily than youngsters moving around with their partners. For all the fuss that society creates about celebration of Valentine’s Day, let’s not forget that there is nothing wrong with being in love. When cynicism rules, probably, days like these remind you how important it is to love and care about near and dear ones than just quibble about how everything has gone wrong with the society.
