A Below-The-Belt Assault

How to Prick a Mans Ego would have been a better title for this book. (S)expert Shobha is back this time with devastating insights on the Indian male. In Surviving Men: The Smart Womans Guide to Staying on Top, De abandons the stories of the bold and the beautiful to explore the male psyche. The end result is likely to leave the male reader squirming uncomfortably. As for the smart woman at whom this whole exercise is aimed at, shed do better to give this book a miss if she really wants to stay on top.

Although De has abandoned fiction in favour of psychoanalysis, she doesnt give up her provocative style. After all why change a winning formula. Of course the book is designed to titillate. And De does this unabashedly. Take this sample from the chapter What does One do with Men? According to De, Other than laughing at them and occasionally with them, there are several things one can actually do with them without inviting murder. One can (i) watch Prannoy Roy on STAR News (ii) copulate while watching Prannoy Roy on Star News (iii) bathe together under a waterfall and copulate while Prannoy Roy continues to read on Star News (iv) read in bed companionably while watching Prannoy Roy on Star News (v) sleep together as distinct from engage in copulation...

 

If after this you still want to read on, you can put up with the worldly wise Des advice on how to hook a man, how to dump him, how to train him (like dogs and babies the man can apparently be potty trained too!). She also tells us how men are in bed, at the workplace, at holiday etc etc. And true to form, in Des book everything about a man boils down to one thing yes you guessed right his libido.

De never misses an opportunity to hit below the belt. Its a no-holds barred attack on the man. But then she herself admits as much. Surviving Men is about staying on top. Staying ahead. And maybe winning the lifelong battle of the sexes, she says. So De merrily dips her pen in poison and writes on. Single women who have chosen to give men a miss are likely to be very reassured to read Des views. As De herself says Youll know what you arent missing. And youll be able to hug yourself, smile a secret smile and exclaim, Saved!

The barbs pour in thick and fast if you are a rabid feminist, youll really love this book. Compliments if any are always backhanded. Men in love are sweet, coos De. They are like eager puppies dying to be petted... . They yap around looking and behaving like lost Dalmations. And they cant stop talking about the object of their passion quite often an uninspiring cow with sad eyes and mousy hair.

In fact, De often equates male behaviour with canine cavorting. For instance De says men have feelings the same way that dogs have feelings. I came to this rather startling conclusion after certain basic observations: eye movements, the twitching of nostrils when an alien object (woman) is seen approaching, heavy breathing while engaged in anything strenuous (sex, for example), a whining sound when the belly aches (usually after over-eating) and, of course, the loud barking at all other times.

Admittedly her writing is witty. In fact, ignore the contents and just treat this book as one of Des regular frothy columns then its funny. Male readers are of course not likely to agree. But then they are at the receiving end throughout. Not to say that women escape scot free. Occasionally De does destroy them in one candid stroke: Even a toughest woman turns into a marshmallow the moment a man tells her how beautiful she looks in blue or something equally inane. I know a canny business lady who chews nails for breakfast, but turns into a cocker spaniel pup in the presence of fawning male admirers. I could drown in those eyes of yours, gushes an insincere lout and she promptly lets him.

De has written this book on the assumption that women are superior creatures and men absolute asses. She is undoubtedly right but then at the end one does wonder what the poor man did to her to deserve this book.