Capital Markets

I have a few suggestions to make on the current state of the Indian capital markets. First, Sebi deserves a new nomenclature. The expanded form of the abbreviation must immediately be changed to read: Shortsellers' Encouragement Board of India. We have so much indigenous experience of the bear cartel successfully depressing the capital markets untrammeled, uninhibited, unfettered, that we should now apply for a patent for this process, and market it worldwide, maybe through Internet. This will also keep Sebi busy, since they already do not feel that vetting of applications and ensuring market stability and other such mundane activities are in their domain.

 

Second, we must continue to scare the daylights out of the stray genuine investors who still venture to invest in stocks, by ensuring that prices of even excellent stocks continue to fall without any reason. The breed of investors will slowly become extinct, and there will one day be no buyers left in the market, only short sellers.

Third, at this stage, when stocks have become dirt cheap, the government may buy and distribute them to the poorest of the poor. Fourth, having distributed stocks as largesse and thereby ensuring social justice, we must all pray for some miracle to make the markets move up.