Learning To Rock And Roll

Politicians have always roped in film stars and cricketers (Indias only celebrities) into their fold but more often than not the move has backfired. International stars, on the other hand, with their fleeting visits announced coyly on music channels, offer only the upsides with very few downsides. The Shiv Sena either didnt know or didnt care about the Michael Jackson child molestation controversy which he settled hastily out of court for a small fortune.

So an international rock star is what all parties want, regardless of his bad habits. But he has to be someone fitting their image. Look at the SS-MJ synergies: One is bad, the other downright dangerous; both have marriages on the rocks; can attract massive crowds; and when they sing, in their own enchanting styles, they sound good but the words have very little meaning. So based on the first rock star-political party nexus, heres a look at the rock stars being possibly pursued.

 

The Congress has as usual made a decision that the working committee will look into it and the party will abide by the consensus decision reached at the meeting. However, according to inside sources on the CWC members, there is one consensus choice emerging: Elvis Presley. While some say he is the only guy everybody in the committee has heard of, cynics point out that this is the ideal choice because like the party Elvis has been dead for 19 years and when he died he was fat and bloated because of self-abuse and nothing like the force in music he was when he started out.

Even the splinter groups (though not any more) are looking around for their rock icons. Madhav Rao Scindia has approached Eric Clapton (non-controversial, not-too-old and pretty suave) to come down to Gwalior, while Bangarappa instead of inviting rock stars has decided to hold a badminton tournament with the Sidek brothers from Malaysia and couple of Indonesian stars. Congress Manila is waiting for Chidambaram to decide, who in turn is waiting to hear the IMFs recommendations on the matter.

Among the other major parties, the United Front has decided to call the Travelling Wilburys to come on a concert tour. In the past the band has had members like George Harrison better known as that white chappie who came to learn sitar from Ravi Shankar Bob Dylan and Tom Petty. Since the composition of the band keeps changing, the UF under the guidance of the prime minister decided to choose them as it fits perfectly with their fluid alliances and ever changing shapes. So depending on which parties are in the coalition at the time of the tour, the band can be asked to change its composition suitably.

The BJPs task is more difficult. Nationalistic and religious bands are a difficult combination in the world of rock and roll. And until now the only rock the BJP knew was the Shivalingam. So its scholarly search for a international rock star who was a religious leader, a huge pop star and a man in search of his own nation began in the university library of Allahabad. The only man they came up with after a recommendation from a posse of sants was Robert Nesta Marley, better known as the Lion from Zion or simply Bob. Though the sadhus did not remember much about him except he was a religious leader of the Rastafarians, claimed Ethiopia as his spiritual homeland and had a hair style very similar to them, besides indulging in smoking chillums as a religious ritual. However, the BJP high command soon learnt of Bob Marleys untimely demise more than a decade ago but decided that like Abhimanyu in the Mahabharata, Ziggy Marley was the ideal choice to break through the nations reservations about religious parties. After all he must have started getting Bobs vibes and messages right from when he was in the womb. Even the Bajrang Dal is apparently totally in love with Marleys song Buffalo Soldiers, though the Hindutva remix has the word cow inserted in strategic places.

Kanshi Ram and Mayawati of the BSP, with their anti-establishment stance, have targetted the anti-pop sub-culture of rap. The hip-hop artistes they are pursuing include Public Enemy whose anthem Bass, how low can you go seems to have struck a chord in the BSP camp. Other reported Kanshi Ram favourites include Tu Pac Shakur and Snoop Doggy Dog both of whom have endeared themselves to Kanshi Ram by not only hitting people in public but literally gunning them down. Together with the Noble Savages, Public Enemy is expected to headline BSP concerts.

As for the communist parties, rock and roll goes against the very grain of their beliefs. So Jyoti Basu and his comrades are looking instead at bigger musical extravaganzas. While contact has been made with the Beijing National Opera to perform Maos Seventh symphony in four movements, all of them slow (the musicians work according to strict union regulations) the Bolshoi was rejected because the neo-capitalist roaders (shame! Shame!) wanted a share of the profits. Efforts are also on to contact Castro for his troupe of limbo dancers which consistently dance below the imperialist Uncle Sams nose.