The Storming Of Pizza Hut

At the offices of the Karnataka Rajya Raitha Sangthana, the atmosphere was more subdued. There was none of the suppressed pre-battle excitement so palpable at the KYP office. Instead, there was an undercurrent of disappointment as veterans of earlier campaigns against Cargill and Kentucky Fried Chicken realised that the next battle would be fought without their active participation. But they did not protest they had had their fun, and it was time the next generation got some training in actual combat. Furthermore, their supreme leader, Professor MD Nanjundaswamy, had told them to lay off this time, and the veterans had immense respect for the his strategies. Having quickly realised the total absence of stormtroopers from the Indian political scene, the professor had been quick to spot an opportunity. He had stayed awake nights studying the methods of the Black Shirts in Italy, and the Brown Shirts under Hitler, before hitting upon the idea of having his own Khaki Shorts. They didnt call him Generalissimo Nanjundaswamy for nothing.

 

After so much foreplay, the actual engagement turned out to be a damp squib. G K Bekal, deputy commissioner of police, central division, Bangalore, summed it up succinctly, There was no incident. There was no stoning. They were just shouting slogans under the leadership of one Mr R A Prasad. After shouting some slogans against multinationals , the KYP storm troopers were taken into custody and released after a few hours. The police had got wind of the planned assault several days earlier, and had posted a platoon outside the Pizza Hut outlet. Obviously, among the strange fauna which comprised the KYP, a stool pigeon had found its place.

Nevertheless, the story has a happy ending. Pizza Hut has since been closed and reports say that it is not known when it will open again.

While the operation can be termed successful, the confrontation lacked the elan associated with Professor Nanjundaswamys earlier efforts against foreign food. Compare the masterly planning of the KFC operation in January this year, with the amateurishness of the fight against pizzas. No wonder that some interested parties have been quick to spread the malicious rumour that KYP stands for Know Your Pizzas.

These rumours have emboldened the more radical opposition to take up arms for pizzas. They point out that pizzas are an Italian food, and by no stretch of the imagination can we in India call Italy an imperialist nation. There are several areas which India and Italy have much in common, besides Sonia Gandhi. In recent years, these include coalition governments and a penchant for putting politicians behind bars. While chicken may smack of imperialism, pizza definitely does not.

There are also indications that in tackling pizzas, the anti-multinational brigade may have bitten off more than they can chew. Consider the fact that you can have vegetable and cheese toppings for pizzas, and the countrys vegetarian population can also gorge themselves at Pizza Hut. This is a totally different situation from the one prevailing at Kentucky Fried Chicken, where vegetarians would feel out of depth. Vegetarians have little cause for envy so far as pizzas are concerned, and Nanjundaswamy should have taken into account the much broader support base of pizzas compared to chicken before he embarked upon his anti-pizza crusade.

The motives of the anti-multinational gang are slowly becoming suspect. Could it be that they are secret devotees of pasta? Could they be against fast food in general, and could their antipathy against such food stem from their preference for nine-course meals? But, more importantly, why is it that, knowing full well that Bangalore harbours such anti-foreign food extremists, multinationals persist in opening their fast food stalls in that city? Since these organisations do not have a history of masochism, the idea may very well be to seek free publicity for their activities a publicity which Nanjundaswamy & co are ever willing to organise. Various motives are now being imputed to the anti-multinationals, not the least of which is that they have always been moles for Big Mac, out to destroy the opposition to its hamburgers.

But perhaps we should be more charitable and opt for the Freudian explanation. It is entirely possible that the good professor was force-fed on Glaxo baby food during his infant days, a process which bred in him an undying hatred of foreign food in all its forms. It is also significant that Glaxo has since then been forced to sell its baby foods division to Heinz, a move behind which one can detect the long hand of revenge. But thats another story.