Calling Elvis. Anybody home?

The back cover of the book informs me in stark white capitals against a black background: “THIS BOOK IS AN ALARM CALL”. Duly alarmed, I turn to the first chapter entitled “Shine Bright”. Gosh, according to Chris Barez-Brown, it seems my employer, Business Standard Ltd, has been unbelievably dastardly. Apparently, my work has been designed to trap me. “[Work] is complex and devious. It is hard to even notice the trap — which is why many of us fall into its clutches.”

But salvation is at hand, thanks to Mr Barez-Brown’s perky little black, white and red book of 221 pages. Instead of doing something as boringly conventional as having a chat with the editor about my newly discovered predicament, I should heed the advice set out in 80 chapters, few exceeding two pages and many in bullet points. Among the novel things I can do to make my work more rewarding, stimulating, exciting and fun are: “Notice when others are great”; “Buy less crap”; “Be a d**k not a c**k” (naturally these asterisks are not the author’s, that’s not his style, but I am mindful of Business Standard’s reputation as a respectable economy daily in purveying this unique information); “Lie down when you can” (hey, I like that!)… and much, much more.

 

All of this is basically to ensure that the partaker of wisdom from this Reiki Master-cum-coaching and inspiration coach shines as effulgently at work as possible. To convey this message, the author tells us a story of Bono, the U2 rocker who is also a prominent human rights activist (this story is reproduced on the back cover as well). Apparently, whenever Bono goes into any organisation as part of his mission to eradicate Third World debt, he asks, “Who’s Elvis around here?”

“It’s a fabulous question,” gushes Barez-Brown, because it means Bono’s looking for someone who can break the rules to get things done. The objective of this story may be partially valid, but, at the cost of sounding literal, Elvis is an awfully bad example to provide to ambitious executives. His talent may have been prodigious and, sure, he redefined the contours of rock n’roll. But he died at age 42 from sustained drug and alcohol abuse brought on by an inability to handle the pressures of his superstardom.

Surely Mr Barez-Brown, who says he has worked with Coca Cola, HSBC and an organisation called Comic Relief, would know that the ability to handle pressure would be a vital attribute, and corporations, even aid missions, require stayers? And while it’s great to think differently, surely consistently breaking the rules to do your work is organisationally untenable?

Some might even say Bono is a bad example of misguided do-gooding. In fact, I would be happy to relate a counter-story to show why. Bono comes on stage for a benefit concert for Africa and asks the audience for silence. Then he claps his hands once, does it again after five seconds and repeats his action several times. Then he tells his audience: “Every time I clap, a child in Africa dies.” To which someone from the back shouts, “Then stop doing that, you cruel b*****d.”

Okay, even if I reject the Elvis analogy, let me see if there’s other advice I can follow to make me shine at work and escape this trap into which I have fallen. Mr Barez-Brown suggests I take a look at my habits inside and outside work. “If you always get a coffee first, go somewhere else and try a smoothie,” he writes. Will do, hope my boss notices.

He also suggests that I “take different routes to work, move my desk, take up a lunch-time hobby, hang out with the guys from Finance, dress differently”. Now, if I followed all of this, the following would happen: I would (a) never get to work on time in a city as congested as Delhi; (b) have to dismantle my office with an axe; (c) never release the opinion pages on schedule unless my lunch-time hobby were stamp collecting; (d) alarm the Finance guys for all time to come and (d) alarm my colleagues for all time to come.

There’s a lot more of this kind of stuff, a combination of the well-worn – “Know what you need”, “Love what you do” – and the impracticable. It’s one thing to draw inspiration from the doings of Steve Jobs; but for every Jobs, there’s also a Jamie Dimon, the quintessential Organisation Man, who shows what it is to be outstanding simply by following the rules.

To give him credit, Mr Barez- Brown is sincere and enthusiastic about his mission. His overarching advice to always think about what you do and avoid group think is well taken. But in his effort to be sexy, he has overlooked the need for balance. Reading this book is certainly entertaining, but probably not in ways the author had hoped. Or what the hell, maybe I’m not the Elvis in the office.

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SHINE: HOW TO SURVIVE AND THRIVE AT WORK
Chris Barez-Brown
Penguin
221 pages