With time to kill in the reception area of London’s Foreign and Commonwealth Office (FCO), it occurred to me what an uncaring society we Indians are condemned to live in. I don’t mean expressions of concern such as the famous comment attributed to France’s first Bourbon king, the early 17th century Henry of Navarre: “I want there to be no peasant in my realm so poor that he will not have a chicken in his pot every Sunday!” Our politicians used to make so many extravagant claims, and without meaning a word of them either, that the language became quite devalued and promises invited only derision. I mean the tangible assistance a state like Britain renders to its citizens.
Everyone knows of Clement Attlee’s munificent legacy of free housing, health care, education and pensions that Margaret Thatcher didn’t quite succeed in destroying. But the FCO rack was stacked with documentary evidence of other services I hadn’t thought of, though they must be old hat to British diplomats. The receptionist readily agreed to my pocketing some of the brochures, perhaps glad to see the slots less bulging. Although people who call on British mandarins may travel to faraway places, they probably don’t need much information on the facilities they can benefit from.
In fact, judging by popular expectations in the United Kingdom and the general mood of spoilt discontent, a service doesn’t have to be available to be demanded. I should imagine Her Majesty’s subjects express sharp disapproval when the Queen’s ambassadors, high commissioners and consuls don’t cater to their every desire outside her realm. “What do I pay taxes for if that consul fellow in Tenerife can’t phone my neighbour in Bognor Regis and ask if my pet budgie has been fed?” the pampered might grumble.
The glossy booklets I brought away anticipate almost every crisis. If you’ve gone missing in Mongolia, call FCO (number provided) without delay. Though “women and men of all ages and backgrounds” can be raped in Ruritania, women are obviously more likely victims unless they are listed first only as a matter of courtesy. But, irrespective of sex, victims mustn’t be shy. They must talk to friends, report sexual assault locally and tell the nearest British mission. Disabled globetrotters should make a point of providing next of kin details in their passports. Death demands instant registration. Death abroad being ipso facto fishy, the bereaved have the option of approaching the Press Complaints Commission. After all, there’s nothing like a newspaper splash for exposing foul play.
However, HMG draws a stern line at freeing prisoners (though transfer of prison may be possible) or preventing deportation. Nor will the Queen “pay any bills or give you money”.
Nevertheless, titles like checklist for travellers, disabled travellers, missing persons abroad, victims of crime abroad, support for British nationals abroad, death overseas, rape and sexual assault overseas, and transfers home for prisoners abroad do suggest a helpfulness that a few other governments are guilty of. How much assistance is actually available must depend, of course, on people and circumstances. Some diplomats might even have to practise a bit of artful dodging to escape importunate budgie-owners abroad.
Many years ago I introduced a young Englishman who feared he would be stranded pennilessly forever in Santiniketan, to a friend in Kolkata’s British deputy high commission. The young man telephoned me in angry accusation afterwards. Instead of sending a first-class air ticket for London and some spending money besides in a chauffeured mission car to the Salvation Army hostel where the boy had put up, the diplomat had had the nerve to investigate his assets. “Your friend wants me to sell my Tibetan thangkas and Rajput miniatures before the high commission will buy my ticket!” he shouted as if the diplomat and I were in cahoots to rob him.
An intrepid young British reporter who managed to reach Dhaka during the Bangladesh war said his country’s diplomats there grudgingly let him enter their mission, but refused to let him doss down there. But nothing compares with India’s high commission in Singapore ignoring no fewer than 88 letters from Singapore’s immigration department saying nearly 9,000 young Indians had been arrested for working illegally. They could have been whipped, fined, jailed and deported for all our mission cared!
What the British state does for British nationals (including people of many ethnicities without a word of English) makes other nationalities feel envious and deprived. I wish India aimed at similar service instead of squandering money on aiming at space.
