The Nine Jewels

Ever since the Budget, I have been wondering why the finance minister chose to refer to the PSUs as navaratnas, a term that has now become accepted jargon. The answer that the number nine immediately suggests navaratnas is simplistic. Had that been true, he could have thought of the nine Muses. Why navaratnas?

What does one associate with the word navaratnas? One immediately thinks of the nine jewels in King Vikramadityas court. But unless one is an ardent quizzer, one does not even remember their names Dhanvantari, Kshapanaka, Amarasimha, Shanku, Vetalabhatta, Ghatakarpara, Kalidasa, Varahamihira and Vararuchi. In all honesty, one has to admit that with the exception of Kalidasa and Varahamihira, one doesnt even remember why these gentlemen were renowned. Therefore, the finance minister couldnt have been thinking of these navaratnas when he christened PSUs. After all, PSUs do occupy demanding heights, as opposed to commanding heights, and thus everyone knows what they are supposed to do. Alternatively, one can think of the nine jewels in Akbars court, but the same logic applies. With the exception of Tansen, Birbal, Todarmal and Mansingh, do you remember the names of the other jewels? However, the appellation navaratnas owes its origin to nine actual jewels mukta (pearl), manikya (ruby), vaidurya (lapis lazuli), gomeda (untranslatable), vajra (diamond), vidruma (coral), padmaraga (ruby), marakata (emerald ) and nilakanta (sapphire). Perhaps one should look for associations there. Pearls are white and PSUs are white elephants. Most corals are red and so are rubies, and PSUs have distinct tinges of red and pink. Lapis lazuli and sapphires are blue and one goes blue in the face trying to generate profits from PSUs. Emeralds are green and job security in PSUs makes others go green with envy. That leaves diamonds, which are extremely tough and PSUs are tough nuts to crack. However, this sounds too contrived and artificial.

 

The answer to the conundrum lies in globalisation. One mustnt look for indigenous associations for navaratnas, one needs to think global. And I have been able to identify nine global jewels, with whom the nine PSUs have perfect correlation. These nine global jewels are Asterix, Obelix, Getafix, Vitalstatistix, Cacofonix, Fulliautomatix, Unhygienix, Geriatrix and Impedimenta. The heroes are Obelix and Asterix, BHEL and SAIL, respectively. Note that Obelix is only one of the Gauls who does not need magic potion, he fell into the cauldron as a baby. Asterix needs magic potion, but his brains enable him to survive even if magic potion is temporarily out of stock. Thus the identification of Asterix with SAIL, the 11th largest producer of crude steel in the world, with competitive advantages from captive mines and low labour costs. Note, however, that some magic potion is needed against the dumping of cheap steel, the rising cost of coking coal and a huge and excess manpower. The large BHEL corresponds to the large Obelix. No magic potion needed. How many international companies can compete with BHEL in India? But Obelix is also slightly stupid. Does one get into such a financial state with the state electricity boards (SEBs) otherwise?

That takes one to Vitalstatistix, the chief of the tribe. In very few of the Asterix adventures has Vitalstatixs monopoly of chiefhood been threatened. The monopoly position suggests VSNL, with the threat that international telecommunication services might be thrown open to the private sector. This is equivalent to Vitalstatistixs fear that the sky might fall on his head tomorrow. However, as Vitalstatistix himself says: Tomorrow never comes. And so on to the old man Geriatrix, who can be nothing other than ONGC. How many major oil sources have been discovered in the last decade? They are all old ones. But Geriatrix does have a beautiful and young wife. This corresponds to the possibility that crude output from new wells will be reimbursed at international prices. What about Getafix? That must be NTPC, Getafix provides the magic potion and NTPC provides the power without which nothing functions. The magic potion comes in various flavours and the NTPCs PLF (plant load factor) also provides a diverse range of flavours. On some occasions, the absence of mistletoe leads to magic potion not being available. Ask the NTPC about the non-availability of fuels.

One is thus left with Cacofonix, Unhygienix, Fulliautomatix and Impedimenta. Opinion is divided about Cacofonixs musical gifts. Cacofonix thinks he is a genius, everyone else thinks he is unspeakable. But as long as he doesnt speak, let alone sing, everybody likes him. How about IOC, with an illiquid scrip? Unhygienix and Fulliautomatix are always scrapping and one is not sure whether they are friends or foes. Moreover, Unhygienix is in the fish business, which stinks somewhat. Therefore, Unhygenix must be HPCL and Fulliautomatix must be BPCL. So finally, one is left with Impedimenta, who not only enjoys a monopoly position as the chiefs wife, but is also perpetually enamoured of what is happening globally in Lutetia. The obsession with the global polymer market and a dominance in the domestic market suggests IPCL.