Lend me your ears
I can well imagine that if I was an otologist I would surely have a television set as a patient at least once during my career. Have you ever tried listening to a primetime debate recently? I did.
All this nasty business among the Delhi government, the lieutenant-governor and the Union home ministry had left me flummoxed. The other day, when I put on the TV, a news channel had a discussion on this topic just starting. Beside the voluble anchor, there were representatives from all the political parties as well as an expert in constitutional law and a stalwart who would have been the chief minister had not she and her party lost the assembly elections.
Anchor: Let me start by asking you (turning to the poll loser). How would you feel if you had won the elections and become chief minister (winking at the audience) but couldn't get your own set of bureaucrats?
Poll loser: Don't make this personal. Why are you asking me how I would have reacted? This isn't a personal issue. You have an agenda against me.
Upon this, there followed five minutes of high-pitched volleying of "No, I don't" and "Yes, you have", with neither the anchor nor the poll loser ready to yield. Amid all this, the other panelists threw in their own barrage of Nos and Yeses.
Somehow the noise abated. The anchor turned to the representative of the ruling party in the central government and buttonholed him with: "You, yes, you. Don't smile because I want to ask you, why don't you let the state government work? Are you still smarting from the defeat in the assembly polls?"
The politico, smarmy by nature, smug now, retorted: "Didn't you know there is a special law that governs Delhi's administrative set-up? We have done nothing unconstitutional…" His litany of the relevant sections of the Constitution were drowned out in another deluge of yeses and nos from the panel though I couldn't make what was the yes for and what the no for the entire time.
Again, as some peace set in, the anchor allowed one hyperexcited state government representative to have his say. Just as well because if he hadn't, the guy would have burst a vein in his brain. "No," he shouted, and the food processor in my kitchen shook as if in an earthquake, so resounding was the naysayer's vehemence. "No," he spat out again, "what law, what section, what convention? Where is the beef in their debate?"
No sooner was the B word mentioned than another round of commotion ensued. "We are discussing why our party is not allowing you to work… why are you bringing up the beef ban?" expostulated one politician, wagging his finger imperiously like he was Krishna wielding the Sudarshan Chakra in readiness to annihilate all flesh eaters. Immediately, amid a shower of spittle, a livid face remonstrated: "Yes, you think bureaucrats are cows that they can be protected?" After that, all I heard was a sonic boom in which my ears caught some words: Injustice nothing India unfair no no illegal killer civil rights culture India of course Vedas challenge India hah hah hah faith right culture India absolutely not foreigner sanskriti. This verbal assault, in which I could not even match the words to the lips from which they emanated, went on for 22 minutes. The anchor looked mighty pleased. Finally, he put up his hands. "I must ask you to stop. And let me thank you all for a meaningful discussion. Thank you everybody." And everybody beamed, except, I thought, the television set.
All this nasty business among the Delhi government, the lieutenant-governor and the Union home ministry had left me flummoxed. The other day, when I put on the TV, a news channel had a discussion on this topic just starting. Beside the voluble anchor, there were representatives from all the political parties as well as an expert in constitutional law and a stalwart who would have been the chief minister had not she and her party lost the assembly elections.
Anchor: Let me start by asking you (turning to the poll loser). How would you feel if you had won the elections and become chief minister (winking at the audience) but couldn't get your own set of bureaucrats?
Poll loser: Don't make this personal. Why are you asking me how I would have reacted? This isn't a personal issue. You have an agenda against me.
Upon this, there followed five minutes of high-pitched volleying of "No, I don't" and "Yes, you have", with neither the anchor nor the poll loser ready to yield. Amid all this, the other panelists threw in their own barrage of Nos and Yeses.
Somehow the noise abated. The anchor turned to the representative of the ruling party in the central government and buttonholed him with: "You, yes, you. Don't smile because I want to ask you, why don't you let the state government work? Are you still smarting from the defeat in the assembly polls?"
The politico, smarmy by nature, smug now, retorted: "Didn't you know there is a special law that governs Delhi's administrative set-up? We have done nothing unconstitutional…" His litany of the relevant sections of the Constitution were drowned out in another deluge of yeses and nos from the panel though I couldn't make what was the yes for and what the no for the entire time.
Again, as some peace set in, the anchor allowed one hyperexcited state government representative to have his say. Just as well because if he hadn't, the guy would have burst a vein in his brain. "No," he shouted, and the food processor in my kitchen shook as if in an earthquake, so resounding was the naysayer's vehemence. "No," he spat out again, "what law, what section, what convention? Where is the beef in their debate?"
No sooner was the B word mentioned than another round of commotion ensued. "We are discussing why our party is not allowing you to work… why are you bringing up the beef ban?" expostulated one politician, wagging his finger imperiously like he was Krishna wielding the Sudarshan Chakra in readiness to annihilate all flesh eaters. Immediately, amid a shower of spittle, a livid face remonstrated: "Yes, you think bureaucrats are cows that they can be protected?" After that, all I heard was a sonic boom in which my ears caught some words: Injustice nothing India unfair no no illegal killer civil rights culture India of course Vedas challenge India hah hah hah faith right culture India absolutely not foreigner sanskriti. This verbal assault, in which I could not even match the words to the lips from which they emanated, went on for 22 minutes. The anchor looked mighty pleased. Finally, he put up his hands. "I must ask you to stop. And let me thank you all for a meaningful discussion. Thank you everybody." And everybody beamed, except, I thought, the television set.
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First Published: May 30 2015 | 12:02 AM IST